LizzyThePuma's Blog
March 16th
General
SHOW REVIEW Unenlightened and AloneWent to see the show Unenlightened and Alone on the last night of the Fringe.
First thing first, went to the Royal Oak on OÃonnell Street before, got a sensational platter. Two dips, we went with the Beetroot, which tastes so good, a lovely fresh taste, as well as the orange and ginger, it was nice to try, proably pick a different dip next time. Olives that were some of the best olives I have tasted in awhile and a deliciously naughty tasting fetta. All served with a generous amount of dipping bread, $14.95. Really delicious, suggest you try it. Also a really delicious house champagne, only five dollars a glass, but sooooo nice.
Whilst there we saw the two performers of the sdhow walking along OÃonnell show trying to round up people to come to their show. You have to admire the commitment, she was handing out flyers, he had a laptop tied to his chest, showing old footage of when he used to perform with Cirque De Solei. It's a hard life for a performer, I felt bad for them having to peddle their wares up the street.
Now, as for the show it's self. Look there is no doubt that these two have talent, she with the chello and he with his acrobatic prowess. Unfortunately instead of sticking to what they know best, these two performers, I feel with this show are trying to hard to be thought provoking, and deep and meaningful; and profound. And they have attempted this at the expense of audience entertainment.
The best way to move people is not to try to move people, if you have a powerful piece, the audience involves and commits themselves to it, body and soul. But as soon as you start, almost lecturinging and postureing to people, they loose connection with it. Human beings will resist whatever they are TOLD to do or think or feel, it's just part of our dna. Resistance is what has kept us alive and made us such a planet conqueering species. We can't change who we are.
It started off with a sort of dramatic posturing then some performance and by the time it got to any real acrobatics, it seemed the audience appeared unsure what to do. Unsure if it was appropriate to be clapping the gymnastics. And on that note, I do agree with other commentators, that the skill involved as the gymnast used a pair of crutches to dance across the stage was fantastic, but there was no were near enough of that.
And everyone time he dropped the 'F' bomb, I just felt really bad for the old, old, eighty year old woman in the crowd. I hope she got to see Lili La Scala at some stage.
So, these two performers do, have talent, I think they should stop trying to be so arty mcarty and just get back to the basics of entertainment.
A little disapointed my performance Fringe ended with this and not Adam Page.
March 15th
General
Truth!
Well, here we are, almost at the end. It's been hard work, but it's been fun, this whole fun thing.
I have enjoyed keeping you all updated on what I saw and what I thought of those people I was looking at.
I haven't enjoyed people marking things as inappropriate (My blog should be twice as long) but people apparently didn't like the fact that I saw a drunk man run into a tree or that I found a to do list that put the rest of us to shame. (Ask me another night and I will fill you in.) I can't control what other people are doing right in front of me, life doesn't tend to come already censored (thankfully).
I've seen some good shows and I've seen some bad shows.
I was extremely disappointed that few people were prepared to say anything when they saw something bad. I do not understand this attitude at all. I mean the Fringe is a great thing, everyone loves it. I don't think the whole thing is going to suddenly end if word gets out there was, I thought, one bad show (well two, or three) in the middle of it. I mean even if there were half a dozen rubbish shows. It still means that 99% were on a scale from pretty good to AMAZING. And you need that perspective, you can't and I don't trust anything that says everything is perfect one hundred percent all of the time, everytime.
Some people are so desperate to be liked by everyone, one hundred per cent of the time, they loose honesty. I mean what's that saying, all it takes for evil men to succeeded is for good men to do nothing. I mean this may seem a little dramatic, but truth is truth, honesty is not always a pretty thing, but it's true and that's what makes it beautiful.
Lizzy the Puma will honestly tell you if she thinks a show is rubbish! Just like Lizzy The Puma will tell you if you're too drunk to drive. Just like Lizzy The Puma will tell you to get to the back of the line when you try to barge past a eighty year old woman whose patiently waiting to buy her cat food. Just like Lizzy the Puma will keep telling Aaron to go and see a doctor and get that damn weird looking skin mole, that's gonna give him cancer if he doesn't, removed.
I know there are a lot of people out there working real hard for their money and I don't want you to waste it on something bad or mediocre when you can be a part of something AMAZING!
But that's truth for you. Everyone wants it, no one wants to do it. When they blog. Apparently. Unlike me.
It also helps, you can see what I don't like, what I do like and you can see where your taste falls. And then act upon it. Or not. It's just my opinion. But thank you for noting it.
But don't leave me just yet, still a few more things to squeeze in before the week is up.
March 15th
General
No More I'm serious!!!
By heavans that will teach me. Since I posted my last blog about stop sending me pictures of Sam Simmons. My phone has just died from the sudden Sam Simmons explosion. You may have gathered from my blogs (Especially if you read the ones before they got taken down) I was not really a fan of the Sam Simmons show, nor his performance. I strongly suggested that he needed to go home work on the act and practice, practice, practice. Well, my original review which was scathing, kept getting taken down, I'd had it again on principle, etc. etc.
Well, my friends took it upon themselves everytime they saw Sam Simmons out and about, they would send me a photo on their phone, with a tag attached 'Look who's not home practicing!'
Sigh!
This has been driving me crazy, for a number of reasons, but mainly for making me feel like some kind of crazy den mother for wanting to grab him by the ear, dragging him home and MAKING him PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!
ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!
NOW PRACTICE YOUR DAMN SHOW!
March 15th
General
SHOW REVIEW - Ross Noble
HAHAHA. Ross Noble is awesome. He just commits to a show and that's that, regardless if a show is suppossed to take one hour, two hours, we'll stay there two and a half, three if we have to to get the job done. That's the kind of commitment Ross Noble has to his shows and his audience, which is part of the reason he is so loved by his audiences.
You just sit transfixed by his show because you just do not know where it could possibly be going. And sure, sometimes you'll have to wait until an hour and a half later to get to the punch line and point of a story, but it's such a worthwhile trip.
Ross Noble has a sort of comedy tourettes syndrome in that, no matter what he's doing he can not help but make a joke and just follow that joke wherever and whenever it will take us, regardless of the original point, story or running length of the show.
A real pleasure and Ross Noble is welcome back in my town any day of the week. Who are we kidding, as if he's ever going to leave. He'll be back in two weeks, I betcha!
March 15th
General
HAHAHA BOGAN BINGOI was just looking back over my log and I realised I have missed a couple of reviews.
I know the shows are over, but I just want to put this stuff in your brain, so when you see it in next years fringe guide (hopefuly) it will trigger something off in your head and you won't miss it next time.
Look, I see what you're suggesting, perhaps it might be a little bit too early to start planning the 2011 Fringe, but let me tell you, Good planning is what wins wars gentleman, ladies. Not just showing up and hoping to get the jod done. ORGANISE! ORGANISE! ORGANISE! (HAHAHAHA, see what I did there, tied that back into my first ever blog entry. Poo, probably would have been better to have saved that for my last ever blog entry. Oh, poo again.)
BOGAN BINGO
Rob Roy Hotel
106 Halifax St Adelaide
The first thing I want to point out is that this is FREE!!!!! And you just can't get a better priced ticket than that. YOu can arrive early and grab a meal or you can just show up for the show, there's a handy bar to grab a few beers, no problems.
This is such great fun. It's Bogan and it's Bingo and It's fun!
That really is all there is to it. Our hilarious, tight panted, mulleted, flanny encrusted bogans call a game of bogan bingo, complete with bogan prizes.
My friend BOB was determined to win the VHS copy of porn, but alas, to no avail.
The Bogan Bingo is interwoven with Air Guitar contests and just more ridicolous fun than you could point a flanny at.
Seriously, try it out next year for a bit of ridicolous fun.
B.Y.O. MULLET!
(Yes, dressing up IS encouraged. Although completely optional. THANK HEAVANS!)
March 15th
General
AMOCCO
I hope you got to see inside AMOCCO. I think two dollars is a bargain.
I was disappointed that there were no late night options to go inside AMOCCO. Or at least, LATER options. (When all the children are home asleep).
It reminds me off the world's greatest cubby house in the world, ever built.
March 15th
General
VISUAL ART REVIEWS
Hi All!
Tried to add these reviews to my review list, but even though these exhibits are still on, it won't let me add them. So, I guess I'll do the review and tell you about the shows here.
Ferris Wheels & Fairyfloss
presented by John Willanski and Cassie Flanagan
Exeter Hotel
246 Rundle Street Adelaide
Went to see this exhibition, I wasn't impressed, no one at my table was.
The photo's we could not believe were professional, they looked like something your kid would take and you would hang on the fridge to keep them happy. They are also small works and so get lost on the huge walls of the Exeter.
The black and white pictures on the other hand are fabolous. They are of a good quality, they are original, visually appealing and creative. These pieces are interesting. So, if you are in the Exeter pub I would check these drawings out, hidden away in the very back corner.
NEXT.
Frock On
presented by Heron Kirkmo
Miss Gladys Sym Choon
235A Rundle Street - Front windows Adelaide
Firstly, can I say I love the idea of presenting art in your shopfront window for the FRINGE, great ides Miss Gladys Sym Choon.
However as for the pieces. I was so looking forward to this one by the description in the guide. But it did not live up to my expectations. There was nothing new here. To be honest, you will find more outrageous, more inventive designs with even stranger materials at your next major fashion show. Not excited at all by this exhibition.
More high school graduation ehibit than haut culture.
NEXT
HANGOVER
presented by SIXPACK
The Wheatsheaf Hotel.
39 George St Thebarton
If you have seen the promotional photo for this exhibition, then you will have seen a picture of a toilet. (No, I'm not kidding.)
What is it with these people and toilets? I sort of saw this exhibit by default. I went to the lovely WHEAT Sheaf Hotel the other night to see the Adam Page show and as I walked in, I thought to myself 'Why do they have a picture of a toilet on their wall? Why?'
And it's not even a particulary good picture of a toilet. (Does one even exist? I mean my god, it's a toilet, what's there to look at?) To be honest, not excited by any of the other pieces either. Not really worth a trip out of your way. I feel disappointed having travelled from the doorway to see this exhibit.
I'd give this one a miss.
Okay, so this lot have not turned out so well, but I am determined to keep going. Fine art is out there I know it. I can feel it in my pencil.
March 15th
General
It's not over quite yet......
Just wanted to remind everyone, I know the FRINGE is now officially over, yes, it's after one am, it's time to let it go.
However, it's probably best to wean yourself off slowly.
Don't forget that there are some visual art exhibitions that are still running. So for something different, keep clicking on the daily event diary on the talk fringe page and see what you can find that's still near you.
I have to be honest, I only just realised there is an art exhibition about a ten minute walk from my house. Going to go check it out. Ten minutes, if I stroll. It's like they've bought the damn festival to my house. And I think that's TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!
So come on Adelaide, get some art into ya! ; )
March 15th
General
Will you stop with the photo's
STOP SENDING ME PHOTO'S OF SAM SIMMONS!!!
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY?
March 15th
General
HOW TO GET RICHWas flipping through the fringe guide the other day, lamenting my dwindling resource stockpile (The fringe piggy bank), when I stopped to read what I think is one of the best things in the FRINGE guide.
It is entitled 'An insider's guide on HOW TO GET RICH.'
I suggets you read it. It's all about true wealth, the true wealth of life's experiences and it really made me think. I mean it's true. We remeber our experiences, never our bank balances.
Regardless of their size or their nature, all the experiences all the shows are what we remember. And not just the joyous success stories either, sometimes the most memorable are the worst.
Case in point.
Two years ago, very late at night, very loaded down with the weight of many beverages, my girlfriend BOB and I accidentally and for no recollection of why, the two of us wondered into see the extra, extra late night performance of the show entitled 'The Porno Puppets of Prague'.
Oh heavans no, I'm shaking my head and smiling just thinking about it. My god. It was just so awful. We staggered in, much to my friends horror but my usual habit we sat right bang in the front row. Turns out as the curtains closed, there were only three other audience members, one lost looking asian couple who sat looking confused and slightly scared in the very back row, and one old looking dude, who looked, well, without trying to make any judgement calls, he looked like a creepy old pervert. Once we realised that the performers out numbered the audience and seeing who our audience was I leaned over to my friend and mentioned
'We should have bought more booze'.
But alas it was too late to buy more beer. Or escape.
Well, what can I say the next thirty minutes was the most awkward thirty minutes of our lives. It was so bad and akward it became comedy gold then became so much worse it just got akward again.
The shows climatic end was coming to an end with the taking flight of a great big penis with wings. I am quite sure to this day that the performer intended for it to set sail majestically from it's perch and sail off high and above the audience and out of the exit. Unfortunately they misjudged the heights desperatly and all she managed to do was launch the penis off it's stand, off the stage and square and directly with a resoundingly audible 'THWACK'. Hit me in the head with it.
And it bloody hurt too.
Well, that was that and BOB absolutely lost it as I sat there cradling my battered skull. She laughed so hard, she may not have actually come all the way of the chair, but she did without a doubt, loose a little pee into her pants.
Sigh. :(
Unfortunately, to this day. BOB still ranks it as one of her BEST and FAVOURITE, EVER FRINGE MOMENTS.
Sigh.
Which is what this thing in the guide reminded me of. So, I loosened up the purse strings and dove once more into the unpredictable tide of the fringe.
And, now you'll forgive me if I carry out a cliche and end with a quote from the article Ãn insider's guide on HOW TO GET RICH.'
"Here's something worth noting, it is a little known but universally accepted belief that he or she who dies with the most Fringe ticket stubs in their pockets wins."
March 14th
General
Show Review- Adam Page- SOLO
The Ginger Ninja took his weird friend Aaron and myself to the Wheat Sheaf Hotel last night to see Adam Page. I had never heard of him before, but my trusted Ninja had heard from his spies in a neighbouring village, that Adam Page was something special.
Well what can I say? Adam Page is incredible, I like everyone else who has seen this show is going to gush all over him. Now, I was not sure what to expect as this guy who would not look out of place on the AC/DC Roadie tour bus walked past us with a hefty beard that would no doubt install automatic fear in any airline travelling passenger walked past. "That's him, Adam Page" whispered my Ginger Ninja.
Well, I could tell half way through this gig, that My Ginger Ninja has a whole new bromance going on. And I just KNOW there's a beard coming. Sigh.
Props to the beard though, who knew you could generate a cool, musical sound from a beard. Adam Page that's who!
Adam Page could have just played a set, but instead you stand transfixed as he loops about every instrument known to man live, to create a real sense of ownership and involvement between the crowd and the music. 'Mistakes' are included to create a raw realism missing from so many live performances these days.
What can I say? I just can't gush enough over Adam Page. A very gifted musician, a very gifted performer. A very gifted man. A very great pleasure to enjoy live.
You really have to catch this guy live.
A truly great experience. Fun, theatrical, musical joy. With a big **** beard.
March 14th
General
TRY NOT TO FREAK OUT
It's okay everybody, I know this is the last day of the Fringe, but try not to freak out okay.
Everything will be okay in the morning I promise.
I know it doesn't feel like it now. But the world will continue tomorrow.
The clocks will still turn, the buses will still run, Villi's will still make the buns.
Lizzy The Puma promises you. It will be allright. X
March 13th
General
Show Review _Eric's Tales of the Sea
ERIC'S TALES OF THE SEA - A SUBMARINER'S YARN
As you know, Lizzy loves the Submarine's.
I was in NO WAY disappointed with this show.
A truly fascinating show. Whilst there is great humour in this show, it is not a comedy show in the traditional sense. More like a collection of mesmering, old dogs tales of the sea. You will sit wrapt in ore at the daring escapades and your heart will break as you hear of the touching comraderie that these special men share. Eric has lead a life of true bravery, stupidity and fascinating wonder all in one. You will leave wishing you had been brave enough to have lived Eric's Tales of the sea.
Eric provides us with unique and insider photos from within life on a nuclear submarine. We start off with Eric's first day in training, you know the usual, near death drowning and a few swift punches to the face.
This man has lead a crazy, crazy life. He's done things you would not have even thought of doing. It's also a great insight to a beautiful friendship and that special commraderie that only men of war can share with each other.
It wasn't just me, my friend, who has no real interest in submarines, was still fascinated and commented on just how great the whole experience was.
Eric just seems like such a true, genuine funny guy.
Stick around and at the end of the show, be presented with your very own badge.
Lizzy the Puma LOVES a good badge.
March 13th
The Garden
RIDICOLOUS SECURITY ENCOUNTERHi Fellow Fringers.
Had a ridicolous run in with the security last night at the Garden.
As we all know, crowds on a Saturday and Friday night to get into the Garden are long and ridicolous. That's why they have adopted the policy quite a many a year ago, that there is a seperate queue for ticket holders. So you show up, with your ticket, show it at the special area, usually to the left of the queue and you go straight in. There are even Garden employee's with megaphones walking up and down the queue telling you that if you buy tickets, you don't have to queue.
That was until last night. Dah dah!!!!!
HUGE FAIL FOR GARDEN SECURITY STAFF ON ALMOST EVERY LEVEL!!!!
We decided to buy our tickets, sure you have to pay the booking fee (as oppossed to if you buy it at the door) but we decided it was better to do that than spending another twenty minutes in the queue. We add been waiting about ten. So we bought our tickets and moved to the left, where to our suprise there was a queue. And an upset queue. I am not sure exactly how long people had already been waiting, (one person said ten minutes already ).
A lady in her fifties asked the security man why they were waiting, they had tickets and wanted to get into their show it was starting very soon. The security guard responded by letting in people from the queue who didn't have tickets. So the woman in her late fifties asked again, Excuse me. But, I thought people with tickets were suppossed to go in first?'
The security guard snapped back extremely rudely, 'Look, part of my job is to stand here and listen to what my bus is telling me on the radio , so keep quiet so I can hear him!'
"But we have tickets to a show, we are going to miss it."
Now, I want to state that the woman was in no way being rude or aggressive. I mean she's a smaller, fifty year old lady.
A woman also in the group, chimmed in with a "Hey mate, she's right, that guy said we wouldn't have to wait if we bought tickets."
The security guard let in more people from the queue who had no tickets.
He again stated that everyone was to be quiet so he could listen to his earpiece. He then let in from more people from the unticketed queue the woman again pointed out what was he doing her show was starting. Another woman further back in the now increasingly large queue, stated that the lady was correct, you were not suppossed to wait if you had tickets.
The security guard then started to visibly shake in theat way that some people do when they think a fight is about to break out, but they're scared as the adrenalin starts to pump threw their veins. What he thought this little oly lady was going to do to him I can only imagine. Then the security guard proceeded to yell and I do mean yell at the little old lady that ''hey can only have so many people in the garden at one time.'
The little old lady pointed out that she was in no way disagreeing with that, but, if they stopped letting in people who didn't have tickets, then all of those who had pre-purchased tickets could go in.
He then started to yell again about only letting in so many people.
The little old lady pointed out again, this was not the issue she was raising.
He let in more people from the queue without tickets.
He then said he had to check everyone's bags anyway. The old lady (Who had a clutch purse by the way) was like 'fine, that's no problem either just let us in, the show is starting.' (And considering she had tickets for Will Anderson, I thnk the third most expensive ticket at the Garden, she was right to be nervous).
The security guard asked for more silence so he could hear his earpiece (perhaps you should try the volume up button).
The woman behind the old woman wanted to know if it was his boss telling him he was doing a **** job? Because if he wasn't telling him that then he should be.
The security guard's shaking amplified.
He then announced as twenty people left, that ten of us could come in (There were now about twenty ticket holders in the queue.) He let others through, but then as the old lady and the other lady who had expressed displeasure approached, he singled them out, made them stop and told them they had to empty the entire contents of their handbags onto the table.
It was one of the pettiest and most pathetic acts I have seen in quite a long time.
They called him on the fact that he was not doing his job correctly and he was sulking about it.
I don't know if that lady actually got to see her show. Luckily we had an hour until our show. But it is ridicolous that after waiting to purchase a ticket, you should have to spend another fifteen minutues plus in a queue for no reason what so ever.
I mean you could argue, what's the point of pre purchasing tickets? If we had stayed in the non ticket buying queue we would have got admitted in roughly the same amount of time.
I mean why would you admit, half drunken louts who had probably just got kicked out of the Clipsal, who were only staggering over because drinks were two dollars cheaper? And deny entry to a group of people who had already purchased hundreds of dollars in tickets to the event. I just do not understand it at all.
And to the security firm, I would suggest you strongly need to retrain certain members of your staff. I would recommended that you establish which of your staff was working on the Express Ticket Queue' between 9.00 and 9.45pm and re evaluate their position.
The way he behaved and treated those ladies was totally inappropriate and creates a terrible appearance for all of those involved with the Garden and the security firm.
March 13th
General
OVER 200,000 Tickets
Well done Adelaide.
At last count, over 200,000 tickets sold (and that's not even including tickets sold at the doors).
WOO HOO!!!!! Way to go Adelaide.
I know I've done my part, recession, mocession!
Thank god for a good time ;)
March 13th
The Garden
Show Review - Le Garcon NeurotiqueSo, dear friends. Just how do I describe this one? Mmmm, difficult job. As I was leaving the venue with Aaron (Who confessed last night, I'm his new best friend in the world. But don't tell anyone one, I promised him WE wouldn't tell anyone.) I actually said too Aaron upon exiting that I was going to have a real hard time summing this up in the blog, because I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Which is probably, to be honest. Answer enough in it's self.
I only went because my Ginger Ninja's weird mate Aaron wanted to, which is strange because I've worked in hospitality, he never has. (There's a hospitality theme, it's about a waiter slash plate server slash plate attendant slash glassie.)
Look, it's all right. Yes there were some funny moments, but didn't sustain me for the hour and I observed the lady in the next row checking the time as well, with a sort of glazed, my god will this ever end expression.
The main problem is the excess of spit and saliva the performer creates and inadvertenly showers the first three rows with. I could never really get past the constant stream of spittle and could not relax, too consumed with trying to avoid the constant spray of spittle. It is, to put it as delicately as possible, frickin disgusting!!!!!!!! :(
I'm not happy with other people's bodily fluids at the best of times, let alone when some stranger is drowning me with a full frontal assault of the content of his tonsils. Blugh!!
More than once I observed the row in front of me, trying to wipe slivers of spitlle from their face. I felt bad for them. I felt I should have rushed to a kfc and picked them up some of those moist towellettes. Didn't I see a woman with a pram earlier, surely she'd have some of those anti-bacterial wipes, that's what you really need, when spittled upon by a complete stranger.
The other main problem I had with this piece, is again with the writer and performer Josh Cameron, who unfortunately, well, the actor has one vocal tone, yelling. I know you are suppossed to be having a bad day and all and are suppossedly slipping into madness. Although, really, it just seems like another normal crappy day at work to me. I mean let's be honest, it's not exactly a kind of 'Heart of Darkness' kind of madness. I mean he's not exactly going native and trying to create a new opressive fear driven regime centered around his own status of demi godhood. No, he's just having a bad day at work really. The problem is, he yells a lot, pretty much most of the time. Now, whilst yelling is a very effective tool, it's effect is lost when you do it ALL the time and pretty much for most of an hour. (Hence all the spittle.)
Look, it's okay, but frankly my kittens, you could do better than this show.
March 13th
The Garden
SHOW REVIEW 3 D PuppetsI was standing in the garden just trying to eat a vegetable cake, when a man with very fuzzy sideburns approached me and asked if I wanted to see his 3D Puppet Show. I of course readied myself to knee him in the groin if he did indeed, pull out his 3D puppet.
Instead he produced a pair of 3D glasses and told me it would only cost FIVE DOLLARS.
Went to see the 3D puppet show. It's being held in one of the Shipping Containers, up the back of the Garden, in between 'The Spare Room' Theatre and the Voodoo Burger Bar.
At first the 3D puppet show, was just really a couple of fuzzy out of focus shadow puppets. But then there was a weird looking sort of spider fish that was actually kind of cool, except it did sort of taper out by the third row so I can't imagine it was very good for the people in the four rows behind me.
And then it was over. The whole show, was between one and two minutes. I was shocked that, that was it.
We spent longing waiting for the show to start than the actual show took.
The speech from the perfomer telling us to turn off our mobile phones, took longer than the actual show it's self
Basically, I left feeling ripped off.
Especially when I thought about the fact that for a few dollars more I could have seen the whole three hour 3D AVATAR experience.
Frankly, I found the kids standing outside, busking, performing a ukelielie version of 'Hallelujah' to be providing a better presented, better quality show, definitely more wothwhile dollar to the pound.
If this had been a busking show, I would have said, oh yeah taht's neat, but I would never have given him five dollars for it.
March 13th
The Garden
Show Review - Le Garcon NeurotiqueSo, dear friends. Just how do I describe this one? Mmmm, difficult job. As I was leaving the venue with Aaron (Who confessed last night, I'm his new best friend in the world. But don't tell anyone one, I promised him WE wouldn't tell anyone.) I actually said too Aaron upon exiting that I was going to have a real hard time summing this up in the blog, because I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Which is probably, to be honest. Answer enough in it's self.
I only went because my Ginger Ninja's weird mate Aaron wanted to, which is strange because I've worked in hospitality, he never has. (There's a hospitality theme, it's about a waiter slash plate server slash plate attendant slash glassie.)
Look, it's all right. Yes there were some funny moments, but didn't sustain me for the hour and I observed the lady in the next row checking the time as well, with a sort of glazed, my god will this ever end expression.
The main problem is the excess of spit and saliva the performer creates and inadvertenly showers the first three rows with. I could never really get past the constant stream of spittle and could not relax, too consumed with trying to avoid the constant spray of spittle. It is, to put it as delicately as possible, frickin disgusting!!!!!!!! :(
I'm not happy with other people's bodily fluids at the best of times, let alone when some stranger is drowning me with a full frontal assault of the content of his tonsils. Blugh!!
More than once I observed the row in front of me, trying to wipe slivers of spitlle from their face. I felt bad for them. I felt I should have rushed to a kfc and picked them up some of those moist towellettes. Didn't I see a woman with a pram earlier, surely she'd have some of those anti-bacterial wipes, that's what you really need, when spittled upon by a complete stranger.
The other main problem I had with this piece, is again with the writer and performer Josh Cameron, who unfortunately, well, the actor has one vocal tone, yelling. I know you are suppossed to be having a bad day and all and are suppossedly slipping into madness. Although, really, it just seems like another normal crappy day at work to me. I mean let's be honest, it's not exactly a kind of 'Heart of Darkness' kind of madness. I mean he's not exactly going native and trying to create a new opressive fear driven regime centered around his own status of demi godhood. No, he's just having a bad day at work really. The problem is, he yells a lot, pretty much most of the time. Now, whilst yelling is a very effective tool, it's effect is lost when you do it ALL the time and pretty much for most of an hour. (Hence all the spittle.)
Look, it's okay, but frankly my kittens, you could do better than this show.
March 11th
General
Win free stuff with the fringeHi all.
Don't know if you've checked your emails or the Talk Fringe website lately. But there is currently a competition. All you have to do is their quick survey on line, just did it and it really is basic and quick. Make sure you leave your email at the end and we all go in the draw to win, I think it's a couple of t-shirts, couple of stubby holders and a big fat basket of fru-chocs. Hooray.
Lizzy the Puma thinks Fru Chocs are delicious.
Look I would just like to take a moment to point out, I know there are currently others out there exploiting their blogs. LIZZY THE PUMA HOWEVER CAN NOT BE BOUGHT AND SOLD LIKE A CHEAP COMMODITY. Prostitution ain't my bag baby!
So be rest assured, If Lizzy the Puma says she likes it, then she likes it.
If Lizzy the Puma thinks it's rubbish (See, here would have been a perfect opportunity to say, see Sam Simmons, I'm looking at you. But please note that I am NOT doing that.) Then please be assured that Lizzy the PUMA, genuinely and personally think's it's rubbish.
LIZZY THE PUMA. UNAFRAID TO SAY THINGS ARE RUBBISH!!! (But always in a constructive way, of course)
; )
X
March 10th
General
Excited about Eric
I'm excited. Going to see Eric's Tales of the Sea tonight. WOO HOO!
I love a good submarine story. No I do.
I LOVE submarines, always have.
LOOOOVE submarine movies.
DAS BOOT. BEST submarine movie ever. (Although don't watch it if you're having a suicidal inclined day, GOOOOOOOD it's depressing, but brilliant.)
CRIMSON TIDE. BEST American submarine movie ever. (A little bit of trivia for the movie buffs, Quentin Tarantino, was allegedly brought in on the sly and paid a princely sum, to HOT up the script. Money, so well spent.)
And don't be getting all crazy thoughts, sometimes a submarine is just a submarine.
One day one of my ultimate ambitions is to dive in a submarine. Go down deep. So deep, the walls start making those funny noises, constricting from the pressure. Then I pass out from a hefty combination of sea sickness and sheer terror and we all returnely safely to dry land.
Really looking forward to ERIC'S TALES OF THE SEA.
Ambassador Lounge.
King William Street
March 10th
General
Venue Review The ARTS THEATRE
Argh, the good old Arts Theatre.
53 Angus Street.
Finding a decent park is terrible with all the construction work nearby. So before you even get there, best to just give up hope and park in the next street over. There was heaps of parking out the front of the Fire House.
The good old Arts Theatre. David O'Doherty summed it up pretty well last night describing the decor as Cold War Soviet Block. But don't be put off, it's a good little theatre, you can see the stage from wherever you sit. And I think David O'Doherty was right, you don't need to perform in a great big fancy meringue all the time, and it's true. Nobody ever leaves a good show talking about the colour of the curtains.
There is a little bar just inside the front doors to the right. They have wine, beer, champagne and soft drinks, all at very reasonable prices. Just let it be known you can not take bottles in, so you will be presented with a plastic cup, or plastic flute for your champagne. I only mention because I know people who would rather take a bullet than drink from plastic cups. Me, not so much, I'll drink out of your hat if I have too.
There is however a small and I do mean small, weird problem with the Arts Theatre, and it is to be found in the ladies lavatory. I'm not sure if gentleman face the same issue (I'm not that dedicated to my field research).
The stalls to the ladies lavatory, are, well, short. If one stands in a stall, depending on one's stature, everything from the nose up sticks out of the top of the stall. It's almost like you've snuck into an elementary school to take a quick wizz in the loo.
I have to say. It feels odd.
So that anything you do, leaning over to wipe your bottom, trying to loosen the wedgie from your bum and so forth, it's quite obvious what you are doing to EVERYONE else.
I mean I'm quite sure, everyone knows that everyone else is in there wiping their bottom, but it's something else to actually SEE everyone bending over to wipe their bum.
So my review of the Arts Theatre. Good little venue. If you go before you leave the house.
March 10th
General
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMPeople seem offended by my poor performance review of a show. I am told I am not constructive enough.
So here goes.
For the performer of the the comedy show FAIL. I have a small concerns with your show and would delicately like to point out the small flaws in said show so that it may improve and not cause such anger at future festivals.
I think your timing is poor, a lot of comedians suffer this at the every beginnig of their career, like all performers you have to hit your mark. As with most live performances this mark can fluctuate. Perhap you should see some other seasoned profesionals and watch how and when they deliver their mark or in this case punchline.
I get the sense of unfamiliarity with your work, as I suggested to Imaan I now suggest to you. Practice, Practice, Practice.
Listen to your inner audience, your gut knows when something isn't working, listen to it, don't silence it's screams.
Also I would suggest listening to your actual audience, if crowd members begin to leave or start to yell abuse, which unfortunately both occured when I saw Sam Simmons perform. I know it's hard not to get angry and upset. But instead take that as an indication that the proceeding parts of your story are not working.
Authors will tell you, sometimes one of the first thing they do after writing a book is to throw away the first twenty pages. Because, all though it ultimately helps them to develop the character in their mind, it does nothing for the story and ultimately would bore readers. Perhaps Sam Simmons should apply a little detachment and perhaps review his show.
March 10th
General
FRIDAY NIGHT LATE BUSES
Hey, I have some really important imformation.
There is a late night bus service (which not enough people use,) and it will take you home for the cost of a regular bus ticket or just use a multi trip. That's right, Adelaide Metro will take you to Noarlunga, Gawler, Moana, Glenelg, Marion, Henley Beach, whereever at three in the morning for as little as $1.45 (concession multi trip pass).
Well, the good but unexpected news is that Adelaide Metro will also be providing this service, on all routes, THIS Friday night as well.
AARRGGHHHHHHH!!!! SUPER FANTASTIC!!!!
I've always thought the late buses should run on both Friday and Saturday nights all the time. Apparently they used to, but not enough people used the service. Well, let's prove them wrong and let Adelaide Metro know, that Late night services on Friday and Saturday night is a good thing. If only one person gets home safe, then I say it's all worth it.
Now, I have included a little summary on where the buses go, so if you find one that interests you, you can go to the Adelaide Metro Website.
http://www.adelaidemetro.com.au/routes/midnight.html#timetable
Or you can go to their website, then click on
TIMETABLES - ROUTES
A list of options will appear, then just click on
AFTER MIDNIGHT.
It will bring up a heap of information, including a map. But here is a brief description of the routes the operating NIGHT BUSES will take. Pretty much they are similar to the run of the number they during the day, but with a big N attached. So, if you go down Henley Beach Road for example it's a N137.
Now, this may not take you exactly to your front door, but it will save you the sixty dollar cab fare just to get to Noarlunga or Elizabeth or wherever. If you have any questions you can also phone the INFORMATION CENTRE on 1300 311 108. Or pop into the info centre and grab a time table. Lizzy the Puma just wants you home and safe my party kittens!!! X
After Midnight Service Information (ALL provided by the ADEELAIDE METRO WEBSITE)
Bus Services
After Midnight bus services operate Saturday night/Sunday morning only. Buses use the same route numbers as regular daytime services, with an N before the number. All buses travel along the regular bus route, with some detouring to major destinations such as Glenelg and Marion Shopping Centre. After Midnight services operate in both directions, making it safe and easy for you to get around after midnight.
The After Midnight timetables can be viewed using the Timetable Quick Finder:
N1 - Golden Grove Village to City via Tea Tree Plaza Interchange and return
From zone A Golden Grove Village via The Golden Way, The Grove Way, Golden Grove Road, Tea Tree Plaza Interchange, Adelaide O-Bahn, Paradise Interchange, Adelaide O-Bahn, Klemzig Station, Adelaide O-Bahn, Park Terrace, Hackney Road, Botanic Road, North Terrace, Frome Street, Grenfell Street and Currie Street, City. Returns to Golden Grove Village via reverse of the above route.
N541 - City to Fairview Park via Tree Plaza Interchange
From stop C1 Currie Street, City via Currie Street, Grenfell Street, Frome Street, North Terrace, Botanic Road, Hackney Road, Adelaide
O-Bahn, Klemzig Station, Adelaide O-Bahn, Paradise Interchange, Adelaide
O-Bahn, Tea Tree Plaza Interchange, Smart Road and Han**** Road to the terminus, stop 59 Han**** Road, Fairview Park.
Returning to Tea Tree Plaza Interchange as route N542, setting down only.
N122 - Rosslyn Park to City and return
From stop 18 The Parade, Rosslyn Park via The Parade, Flinders Street, Bartels Road, East Terrace, Grenfell Street and Currie Street, City. Returns to Rosslyn Park via reverse of the above route.
N137 - West Lakes Shopping Centre to City and return
From zone F West Lakes Shopping Centre via Turner Drive, Brebner Drive, Sportsmans Drive, Trimmer Parade, Fort Street, Military Road, Grange Road, Seaview Road, Henley Beach Road, Glover Avenue, Currie Street, to Grenfell Street, City. Returns to West Lakes Shopping Centre, via reverse of the above route.
N178 - Newton to City and return
From stop 26 Montacute Road, Newton, via Montacute Road, Payneham Road, North Terrace, Botanic Road, North Terrace, King William Street, to Victoria Square, City. Returns to Newton via reverse of the above route.
N206 â Salisbury Centre to City and return
From stop 49A Church Street, Salisbury Centre via Church Street, Park Terrace, Smith Road, Bridge Road, Briens Road, Hampstead Road, North East Road, Northcote Terrace, Mann Road, Melbourne Street, Sir Edwin Smith Avenue, King William Road, King William Street to the terminus Victoria Square stop VS3, City.
Returning via above route to stop 49 Church Street, Salisbury.
N21 - City to Aberfoyle Hub via Marion Shopping Centre only
From stop A2 King William Road, City via King William Road, King William Street, Victoria Square, Grote Street, Morphett Street, Whitmore Square, Sturt Street, West Terrace, Goodwood Road, Fiveash Drive, Ayliffes Road, Main South Road and Sturt Road to Marion Shopping Centre, then via Sturt Road, Marion Road, Flagstaff Road, Black Road, Ridgway Drive, Memford Way, Black Road, Oakridge Road, Sunnymeade Drive, Hub Drive and Sandpiper Crescent to the terminus, stop 54 Sandpiper Crescent.
N10 - Marion Shopping Centre to City only
From zone A, Marion Shopping Centre via Sturt Road, Main South Road, Ayliffes Road, Fiveash Drive, Goodwood Road, West Terrace, Sturt Street, Whitmore Square, Morphett Street, Grote Street, Victoria Square and King William Street to the terminus, stop Y2 King William Street, City.
N224 - Gawler to City via Elizabeth, Salisbury and Mawson Lakes and return
From the BP Service Station, Murray Street, Gawler, via Murray Street, Bridge Street, Adelaide Road, Main North Road, Uley Road, Hamblynn Road, Midway Avenue, Yorktown Road, Phillip Highway, John Rice Avenue, Salisbury Highway, Elder Drive, Main Street, University Parade, Garden Terrace, Mawson Lakes Boulevard, Montague Road, Main North Road, OâConnell Street, King William Road, King William Street, to Victoria Square, City. Returns to Gawler via reverse of the above route.
N254 - Semaphore to City and return
From stop 45 Semaphore Road, Semaphore via Semaphore Road, Nelson Street, St Vincent Street, Commercial Road, Grand Junction Road, Hanson Road, First Avenue, Arndale Shopping Centre, Arndale Street, Regency Road, Humphries Terrace, Torrens Road, South Road, Hawker Street, Barton Road, Mills Terrace, Hill Street, Ward Street, OâConnell Street, King William Road and King William Street to Victoria Square, City. Returns to Semaphore via reverse of above route.
N262 - Marion Shopping Centre to City via Glenelg and return
From Zone D Marion Shopping Centre via Sturt Road, Brighton Road, Pier Street, Moseley Street, Jetty Road, Gordon Street, Anzac Highway, West Terrace, Grote Street, Victoria Square, King William Street and King William Road, City. Returns to Marion Shopping Centre via reverse of above route.
N721 - Moana and Colonnades Shopping Centre to City via Marion Shopping Centre and return
From Liberty Service Station, Babbacombe Drive, Moana, via Babbacombe Drive, Commercial Road, Saltfleet Street, Witton Road, Beach Road, David Witton Drive, Colonnades Shopping Centre, Hannah Road, Beach Road, Main South Road, Young Street, Grant Road, Old Reynella Interchange, Old South Road, Panalatinga Road, Main South Road, Seacombe Road, Diagonal Road, Sturt Road, Marion Shopping Centre, Sturt Road, South Road, Anzac Highway, West Terrace, Grote Street, King William Street, to King William and Road, City. Returns to Colonnades and Moana via reverse of above route. Please note: Some services terminate at Colonnades Shopping Centre
N864 - Mount Barker to City and return
From stop 65 Mount Barker Park ânâ Ride via Gawler Street, Hutchinson Street, Druids Avenue, Adelaide Road, Mount Barker Road, Hahndorf, Bridgewater, Aldgate, Stirling, South Eastern Freeway, Crafers Ramp stop 24, South Eastern Freeway, Glen Osmond Road, South Terrace, Pulteney Street, Grenfell Street, Currie Street and Light Square, City. Returns to Mount Barker Park ânâ Ride via reverse of the above route.
Now the other important thing is DON"T FORGET these buses also come INTO THE CITY. So if you hear about something great going on, then jump on board and come in and join us. Can't wait for you to get here Kitten.
March 10th
General
Disappointed with wednesdaySo bummed out, had a great night out planned. Meet the Ginger Ninja and Aaron about six o'lock after we have finished all our daily stuff. Then drinks, The Control Alt Delete show, dinner, more drinks, another show, more drinks, the garden, another show. Just went to book tickets but for some reason Dan Willis is not performing Control Alt Delete tonight.
Damn you Dan Willis, you've thrown out the whole, you know, the feeling, the vibe of the night. Now people don't want to come, it's all falling to pieces. Now look what you've done, you've made Lizzy The Puma cry.
Sniff, sniff.
Real, fake tears.
Yeah, I'm just waiting for people to text me back.
Sooooooooo, what you been doing today?
I bought a chair, well I bought a chair for the Ginger Ninja. It's green.
It has holes in it. Which sounds ridicolous and you're asking Lizzy oh Lizzy, WHY would you buy a chair with holes in it? (No, it's not a komode. you weird German sicko. hahahahahahahahhaha. German people do weird things. Oh poo, I'm partly german. Well my great grandmother was. It's weird I get these crazy eyes that can light kindling from a hundred paces and these thighs that can SNAP a man in too. Don't feel bad if you can't do. It's a weird German thing, it's just how they roll. Oh, and I love a good sausage.)
Where was I? Oh yes, my chair. No, it's not a kermode and it's not raggedy and full of holes. Someone was very deliberatly paid to put said holes into the chair. It's this 1960's kitsch, extremely cool thing. I mean chairs are chairs, it's not very often youget excited by one. But this was under a heap of junk (lost treasure). It was at an auction, and nobody bothered to look under the junk. There's a joke there but for the sake of those easily offended, no, it's too late, I don't need to say it, you've already though about it. Filthy ******s.
So, Cool as Kitsch chair $5.00.
Knowing the rest of Adelaide missed out. Priceless.
Mmmmwahahahahahahahahahaha!
March 10th
The Garden
SAM SIMMONS FAILFor some reason, someone keeps marking my blog about the Sam Simmons gig as innappropriate. I can't recall how many have been taken down. I don't understand why.
The simple fact is, I thought Sam Simmons performed a bad show that I did not like.
Now you may love Sam Simmons, heavan knows why from his show 'FAIL' but I didn't like it. And this is what a blog is all about. It's about MY OPINION. NOT YOURS!!!!
In my opinion the show was disjointed, had not been practiced enough, the performer fails to connect with the audience and the writing of the material I found to be poor.
Now if you disagree, or love Sam Simmons so much start your own blog and leave mine alone.
I am not the only one who found this show to be of poor quality and only gave it one flag. And as much as it seems to offend you, I will keep expressing my own personal opinion, it's the beauty of freedom of expression You should give up your ideas of your facist state where only you can speak and enjoy the diversity of the world.
Here's another suggestion. If you find my opinion so offensive, stop reading my blog. How's that sound?
It sounds perfect to me.
So, just to sum up. I hated the Sam Simmons show and I thought it was rubbish.
Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Good Night.
March 10th
General
SHOW REVIEW- David O'DohertyHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!
That's pretty much what I have to say about the David O'Doherty concert.
Poor fella, he looked really jet lagged, but still managed a great performance and with a show that ran a little over one hour and fifteen minutes, we certainly got our monies worth.
The first thing David O'Doherty will ask you to do in the beginning of his show, is to lower your expectations and hopes for the show. To be honest, it's the one thing you shouldn't do. A lovely man with a boy like charm will infect you with his crazy, abstract little songs that will stick in your mind, like a good wine upon your lips. The flavour is fresh, crisp and intoxicating. Move this to the must see section and jump on this awkward little 'quiet section' groove train.
I'm disappointed to see that there are still tickets availiable for this concert ( remaining shows are actually availiable at RUSH prices, which are cheaper than what we paid for the 'cheap' preview tickets.) So I suggest you jump in quick whilst they are still availiable.
I feel David O'Doherty should be more popular and famous than he is, but I imagine his rather quiet, relaxed geeky personality somewhat holds him back from that shameless self promotion which seems to propel so many others onto television and print and every medium known to man.
Which although it is an essential part to his charm and character it propably doesn't help him raise much self promotion.
Now if you have seen David O'Doherty before, you probably would have seen him singing his hillarious little ditties on his ebay keyboard. I was suprised during this show to actually see him step away from the keyboard and move, slightly, around the stage. It was a delightful revelation, but he quickly returned to his keyboard, where and let's be honest, is where his true comedy talent is found and this is where it excels.
Don't fear, you don't have to be a huge fan to enjoy this show, this evening I took My Ginger Ninja and his weird friend who had never even heard of David O'Doherty until tonight and they both laughed their bums off.
If you don't go and see David O'Doherty at this years Fringe, then you will de denying yourself a really great, truly happy experience.
March 9th
General
Show Review GORDON SOUTHERNThe simple fact is GORDON SOUTHERN just seems like a really genuine, nice guy. Which sounds a little dull and non interesting in a performer, but quite the contrary. I mean I doubt he will ever throw a Sam Simmons style hissy fit and storm off stage and I can't really see him in a sordid sex scandal.
But what he will do, is entertain you and make you laugh.
Personable, pleasant, oh god, I am making him sound terribly plain and boring. But he's not, I promise. It's just that he's nice.
But funny, funny is the important thing. Not that nice isn't. But, you know, no one wants to be told they're nice. It makes them sound terribly dull and not very interesting. Like an umbrella. And not even a big or fancy or particulary interesting umbrella. Just, you know, an umbrella.
But Gordon Southern is more than an umbrella, dear friends. More like a parasole, with lots of tassles, at a really nice tea party. With cake and stuff. And a really funny comedian. Telling jokes and stuff. And then you invite the comedian to eat some cupacakes because he seems really nice.
And funny. Don't forget funny.
Oh god, he's going to hate this review I'm sure. Well, stop judging me Gordon Southern, that's the last tea party I invite you to!!!
Only kidding Gordon, you're lovely, you're welcome any time.
Now, go see his show.
If you want.
But you should.
Well I think so.
And I'm pretty sure Gordon does too.
And his mum.
Yes his mum would DEFINATELY want you to go see Gordon live.
March 9th
The Garden
Please sir. Take my photo...Totally gutted! Out for a night on the town the other weeknight, and the photographer showed up to take his usual assortment of photos for the guides. No problem, bit of fun we thought, great momento of the evening. I poofed my hair a little more whilst I screamed at my companion to look attractive, as the photographer approached. And took a photo of the people standing in front of us, then the people sitting behind us, then the people sitting to the left, then photographed the people at the bar and then left.
Yep, he pretty much photographed every damn person in the garden but us.
Sigh.
What's the matter with us hey?
I'm beautiful too you know. (Insert stirring song by Christina Aguilera pointing out just how beautiful I am!)
Okay, so my friends not hot, but damn it, ugly people go out too you know.
I'm only joking Aaron, you're beautiful too.
In the dark.
When you're asleep.
Your mum tells me.
I like your mum.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Only joking Aaron.
Even your mum thinks you're horrible.
I like your mum. Tell her I said hi.
March 9th
The Garden
Just a quick question?
Just a quick question?
Although I'm not sure I want to know the answer.
Why is 'the man who breathes through his eyes', suddenly walking around out the front of his show wearing nothing but a roman gladiator inspired leather skirt, with metal embellishmennts?
Just curious......
He made my friend hold his hand all throughout his performance last week. She found it incredibly awkward,
I found her akwardness delightfully fantastic.
But seriously dude, what's with the skirt?
March 9th
The Garden
ANGRY CARNYANGRY CARNY the other night. He seemed to get upset when a group of young teenagers, seemed devestated that the miny tiny car carousel wasn't working, so they looked, no one about. They all jumped into a little car and started making little car noises. Then one of their friends found a power cord and plugged the mini cars back in.
Well that was it, the carny must have been able to sense someone getting a free ride in his bones, because the carny, rushed forth and this was the weird bit, because we where sure, ten seconds before he came over and started yelling at the kids, he was standing on the inside of the operating chair lift. We stil have absolutely NO IDEA how he actually managed to step past the swinging chairs and out into the open. Must be some weird type of carny super power or something. It was spooky. And more than a little creepy.
Anyway, the carny quickly pulled the cord and made the kids jump out (and none too politely either) and then walked back and morphed back into the chair swing.
Creepy, creepy stuff.
I'm trying to decide, which is the better option. I mean, those little show rides when they are turned off, it just looks so depressing, like that's it, fun has packed up and gone home for the night. On the other hand, Carny rides when they are turned on, but completely not in use they look, really, really spooky. 100% Creepy, like something from a horror movie.
It's like that time I was walking through a play ground and there was absolutely, NO ONE around what so ever, not even the sound of another human being. Just a solitary shiny new pram, just sitting there, all by it's self by the sand pit. I had that moment of absolute panic, as if I had to stop and consider the fact that some terrible tragedy had started and I had slept through the beginning of the end of the world. 28 Days later style. I mean clearly the only appropriate action was to scan the immeadiate vacinity for any trace of the undead. Luckily my fears were erased by a woman completely alive and walking with a s.h.i.t. - su.
Hey what's a s.h.i.t. - su ?
A zoo with no animals of course.
March 9th
The Garden
ORANGE DRINKS
Hello, hello. Just wondering, have you tried the new premixed ****tails at the Garden? They are in that small little circular booth, just near The FREAK SHOW tent on the other side of the pathway. It's hard to miss, it's usually attended by women with fruit on their heads. But what's a festival without a little Carmen Miranda?
Now, these drinks are $8.00. Which kind of seems like a rip off at first, they do come in just a standard size cup. But, they do taste quite nice. I recommended a combination of the orange and red mixes. Also, there is a good supply of alcohol mixed into the slushie machines, so it's a fair deal.
The biggest worry, BRAIN FREEZE!
Brain freeze and hugging people, a lot. Afterwards.
My biggest suggestion, don't walk off before the lady has the chance to add your little umbrella. I mean it's not really a ****tail and you can't really have fun without a little umbrella now can you.
I wonder how rich the person is who invented those little drink umbrellas. I mean it's weird that someone can get so rich off of something so completely useless. It's like Pink Lawn Flamingo's. Apparently the couple who first started making them made a fortune. It's amazing what you can learn about watching SBS do***entaries.
Note to self, must invent something.
Colour - Pretty.
Practical Applications - None.
March 9th
General
Hey Peeps. Don't forgetJust wanted to remind people on the weekends of the ARCADE LANE just off GRENFELL STREET in the city. Travelled past there on my way home on the weekend, it looked like it was really going off. The live band that was playing sounded great and there was a real energy coming out of there. It's good for something different one night, you know, spice it up a bit.
They also have a lovely champagne for $6 a glass as well as your usual line up of beverages. Last time we were there, the band played, then a band member walked through the crowd with his hat out taking donations and after the great music they had provided a couple of bucks seemed like quite the bargain.
March 9th
General
And even more free stuffIt's great to see so much free stuff for the FRINGE, I mean it doesn't matter how dedicated you are, you can only afford what you can afford. However, something for nothing still exists. Case in Point, Sunday Night at The Grace Emily Hotel, the band 'Brillig', playing their show 'Til death do us part'. The trick and this is the real hard part try not to spend a hundred bucks on booze whilst enjoying your 'free' show. Sigh.
Is it just me, but I always feel a bit guilty if I've spent more on drinks than I spent on the purchase of the ticket. Not that I'm suggesting vendors raise their prices, I mean don't get me wrong, it's a guilt I can live with, I'm just saying, look I'm just gonna shut up right now okay.
March 8th
General
SINGING IN THE RAINI'm singing in the rain. Just singing in the rain. Just singing and dancing in the rain. LAde da dada ladde da da.
Anyone who doesn't believe global warming exists needs to open their curtains and have a look outside. Weather, you just can't plan anything these days. And to think I was only complaining about the heat a week ago. I went shopping for a rental with my ginger ninja last week and went ape when he wanted to rent a place with no airconditioning. I shouldn't have bothered.
Nothing happens, the weather's fine. Everything happens this week, we got rain, hail, flash flooding all over the place.
Maybe all this dancing and jumping around we've been doing all Fringe, maybe our happy dancing has inadvertently raised a rain god or two?
I try to think positively about it whilst I'm squeelching through the mud. Does anyone remember the lorry driver from Douglas Adam's ''So long and thanks for all the fish''. The poor guy is miserable because the rain seems to follow him everywhere he goes? Turns out he's a rain god and the clouds follow him because they are his servants and they love him and they want to give him their greatest gift, i.e a good watering everytime they see him.
That's my suggestion for the next few days, as you're standing there getting soaked from eyeball to oblivion. Don't think of yourself as unlucky. Think of yourself as a rain god. God doesn't hate you, the clouds just love you to bits.
Or buy an umbrella, ella, ella, ella.
Sorry that's all I got. X
March 8th
The Garden
Disappointed with the vibe of ticket sellersLook, have to be honest, I am more than a little disappointed with some of the ticket sellers at the Garden. Years gone bye, especially on weeknights, usually very late, if there were tickets left to a show, the ticket sellers, realising it's better to make an extra hundred bucks with a gig, as oppossed to empty seats and let's face it, it's always better when the place has more people in it. The door people would offer deals, they'd invite you into the show, two for one or half price. My fringe buddies used to see these shows and let's be honest they were shows I would never normally go and see. We usually always had a good time and would encourage others to check it. I mean let's be honest, my friend's and I would never have booked tickets to go see the 'porno puppets of prague', but two for one, drunk on a tuesday night, sounds like the best idea we have ever had. (For me, turned out to be the worst I got a flying penis right to the top of the head, damn thing almost concussed me. But more of that story another day.)
But this year forget it, we tried buying tickets from a door seller on that night the computers went down and asked as the show was going in if we could get tickets, the woman at the door, wouldn't even give us concession prices (and my friend has a concession pass.)
Uncool man, very uncool vibe.
March 8th
The Garden
SHOW REVIEW - The BASTARD CHILDRENForgive me, but there may be a hint of a reference to 'TITANIC' in this blog. Sorry fellas, yeas, I know, I'm a girl!
Just on a side note though, TITANIC, definitely NOT James Cameron's best work, yet that's the one they nominate him for? Seriously, have you seen ALIENS? It thrilled the hell out of you didn't it. And made for a relatively small budget.Okay, $18 million dollars is a huge amount of money, but not for the greatest science fiction film of it's kind. Considering that ALIEN 4, (God I can't even say it's name without shuddering in disgust) had an $80 million dollar budget, and look what a poor looking piece of garbage that it.
And when it comes to Cameron, if I even have to say the word Terminator, then well, my god I can't even be bothered mocking you, because, if you just don't love TERMINATOR 1 and 2, then clearly you're a V. And a stupid one at that.
I'm going to stop rabbitting on about JAMES CAMERON now, but before I do, if you love the big JC, then you have to check out his very first theatrical outing, it's called PIRANHANA 2 The Spawning. (No I'm not kidding). It's as rare as hen's teeth to find , for many reasons, good taste being the main reason. But, it is well worth a viewing, because even with all the hurrendous awfulness of it. There are some flashes of that Cameron brilliance, which you will see played out so well in his later films. The lead heroine in Pirannha, even has Sigourney's haircut from ALIENS. Lead actor, Lance Henrikson. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! My god, I know right. (Sorry, just let the film nerds laugh for awhile). Trust me, Piranha 2: The Spawning. DO IT!
Now, where I was, before my deluded rant began? Argh yes, Show Review. Here we go.
If the Fringe were a ship of old,(HEHEHE, see how I'm slipping that James Cameron fim in there. Okay, seriously, I'll stop now I promise). The Bastard Children would be the band you would have to leave your first class accomodation and sink down to the second class to see, with their earthy, honest, dirty gypsy sound.
It's that great rag a muffin sound that you get from an eclectic collection of instruments from a weird assortment of gypsys. There are accordians, mandolins, drums, bass guitars. trumpets and of course, the good old fashioned human whistle. But your journey below decks, would however be the best two months of your life if you spent those months, spending everyday listening to The Bastard Children.
I like their idea of presentation, they weave a story into their music, and have us the audience choose by majority how the story will flow and ultimately end. There's just something really primal and fun in having a whole room of people screaming for the band to kill the villian that killed the hero's wife. (HE HE HE< I should join angry mob's more often, I don't know what people are talking about, they're HEAPS of fun.) No matter how good a person you are, you will find you will be unable to stop yourself from stomping and cheering for them to kill the villian of their story.
I enjoyed the show so much, I bought the cd afterwards, will have a listen and let you know if the cd captures the spirit of the live performance. They also threw in a badge, I love a good badge.
I also hugged the lead singer. (I'm a tramp.) Look, I was a little bit tipsy and I wanted to convey how much I really, truly, enjoyed their show, however I had, somewhere, around the last pre mix, lost the ability to structure a sentence correctly, so I thought, what the hell, this hug is going to convey my feelings a lot more succinctly. I think he got the message. (He was a ginger too, grrrrrrrrr!)
March 8th
The Garden
SHOW review AXIS of AWESOMEOMG! As someone who was a point to kill the next person who presented me with a joke in the form of a song, I have to say. I have been reborn at the volcanic Axis of Awesome.
Let's face it, there has been WAY too much musical comedy out there at the last couple of years. I mean we all know that Flight of The Conchords is to blame. I know musical comedy is not a new thing (Does anyone remember the Doug Anthony All Stars? Oh god, I'm showing my age aren't I?) Nothing wrong with a bit of musical comedy, but as soon as the Flight of The Conchords got that deal for a show and especially after that show became HUGE!!!! Then every idiot whose ever strummed a guitar in his life had decided that clearly this was the easy way to fame, fortune and a lucritive, syndicated TV career. The thing a lot of people fail to realise is that tv doesn't need singing comedians, they already have that, and the reason it worked was because no one else was doing it.
There's only so much musical humour a gal can take in a day.
So there have been some awfully painful acts of late, however, that being said, this show, a great night out, one of the few reviews the Advertiser got right. These guys are definitely worth the price of a ticket. It would be hard to leave this show without a song in your heart and a smile on your lips.
March 7th
The Garden
URGENT BREAKING NEWS>>>THEYHave to let you know. Most important. Everyone cheer, I like to believe it's because they read my blog, but guess what My Garden Lovers.
THE POTATO CAKES ARE BACK!!!!!!!!!!
tHAT'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW THE PLACE, LITTLE ASIAN FOOD STALL UP THE BACK. Between the doughnuts and the Squid place. Potato CAkes are back and they're only a dollar!
God bless you, little food stall lady. Thank you for hearing the people.
AWESOME!!!!
March 7th
General
Show REVIEW MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE SHOWWe couldn't believe the crowd at this gig, including my friend and I, there were only ten of us in the audience. I mean I know they say it's about quality not quantity but it's hard to know how Dan Willis will be able to afford a trip back home. I mean the profit margin for an audience of ten people can't be that high, then when you take into effect the two drinks Dan Willis bought for the two guys sitting in the back row, I think Dan Willis may have actually walked away from that show about ten dollars in debt. :(
And it was a real mixed bag of an audience too. With everything from a young, groovy urban couple, to a couple of Puma's to two gentleman with goatees and AC/DC t-shirts. It just goes to prove that Michael Jackson touched more people than we will ever know. (I've completely said that in a bad way and now you're giggling at home about Michael Jackson touching people aren't you.) Sigh.....
Look, let's just lay all of our cards out onto the table shall we.
Now this blog may drive you a little crazy, because we're going to talk about Michael Jackson A LOT!
The simple truth is LIZZY THE PUMA LOVES'MICHAEL JACKSON!
I am a HUGE Michael Jackson fan and I have no doubt what so ever that Michael Jackson is the greatest performer the world has ever known.
I also firmly and strongly believe that he neither touched or abused anyone, certainly not any child. Now this is not me just being a blind fan. There are somethings that are totally and fundamentally unforgiveable and intolerable on every level of contemplation. At the top of that list is child molestation. So I assure you, if he had done that, I would have been the first to call for ALL of his albums and music to be destroyed and I would never have listened to him again. However we all heard every aspect of the trial and along with the jury I believe him to be innocent. And it is a devastaingly unfortunate fact that no one can never just discuss Michael Jackson without there being some sort of discussion about those charges. Now, I'm not going to get into a whole debate here, it seems unfair when you can't debate back, but one night we'll discuss this over the bar okay, let's keep this chat happy and off the explosive button.
If people keep inappropriating my blogs, then there's going to be nothing left but an entry about my pin board. (What was I thinking?)
Now, I know there are a LOT of Michael Jackson fans out there, so I am asking you, seriously, why aren't you at this show? If ever there was a show for Michael Jackson fans then 'THIS IS IT'!
I know that my friend, also a big Michael Jackson fan, at first did not want to come to this show because she was worried that it would be someone poking fun at Michael for an hour, you know a lot of touching' jokes and snide comments about facial situations and the sort. Well, let me assure the rest of you, in case you have been fearing the same, I assure you there is nothing of the sort.
Dan Willis of CONTROL ALT DELETE fame, shares his love of MichaelJackson. This show is for fans, by a fan. It's Dan Willis sharing his obvious passion for this performer, and proving what we already knew, that Michael Jackson was the worlds greatest performer. Dan Willis has a love and his genuine enthusiasm is contagious. He's like a schoolboy with a brand new shiny toy. If you love Michael, you will LOVE this show.
This show is hilarious for people who love Michael Jackson (I especially loved all the jokes about Martin Basheer, that evil, horrible man). But even this is done with jokes and the whole show is best described as a joyous celebration of Michael Jackson and the positive, overwhelming and at times ridicolous effect that he has had on our lives.
There are secret revelations about Thriller style crowd dancing to fantastic personal anecdotes of terrible injuries suffered whilst trying to imitate Micael Jackson dancing. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! I have my own personal confesssion, oh no, Lizzy the Puma blushes just thinking about it.
Okay, this is how it goes down. When I was younger and Michael Jackson's BAD was on top of the charts, I found some, shall we say some personal, adult activity items in my sisters handbag (She was still living at home) and I presented her with a deal. I would reveal said items to our parents, UNLESS she watched me dance the BAD dance routine.
So, I made her sit in my bedroom , I put on my big jacket, (That I had personally sewn 82 buckles on) and I made her watch me dance the BAD dance. But I wasn't just doing one thing, from the clip, I was doing Michael's moves, I was doing the back up dances moves as well, leaping, jumping the whole works. Then when it finished, I made her watch it again.
Yeah, whose BAD!! Oh you don't like it, then why dont you slap my face. SCHMON!
We talked briefly to Dan Willis after the show, he was lamenting the fact that his other show CONTROL ALT DELETE was selling out but his numbers at this show were not very high. But I feel that Dan Willis loves this show and this man so much he would just as happily and enthusiastically perform this show for a crowd of one. He revealed he had been caned by the Advertiser reviewer and that had dropped numbers down. I say that reviewwer must have been staring at the back wall with earphones on, or the simple matter is, they hated Michael Jackson. Because, trust me, as a fan of the late great Michael Jackson, this was just great to have the chance to hang out with some other fans and take a break from our loss, and enjoy and celebrate all the reasons why we love, the man the music and why you'll love the show.
SCHMON!
March 7th
General
Running out of timeHaving such a great time at the moment, but also running out of time and FAST!!! Had an excellent night the other night, one of my dear friends and I went for dinner on Gouger Street (I recommended the shallot cakes and salt and pepper eggplant at East Taste cafe. Best entries ever. Did I mention their carafes of Rose are $10.50. Hooray).
Well entrees and two caraffes later, we only have five minutes to get to our first show. You know it's probably a sign that you should stop drinking, when you're standing (wobbling) with a glass of wine, discussing whether the taxi driver will let you in his cab with a glass of wine. (The answer is yes if you don't ask him and hide it in your clutch purse.)
What that poor man must have been thinking to watch me repeatadly sticking my face in my purse I don't know. But nod to his profesionalism he never asked. (Don't do it, it's a ridicolous thing to do. Although we did find it so hysterical at the time, we've kept the wine glasses as souvenirs. No, it doesn't make the wine in my new glass taste sweeter, it just makes me giggle like an idiot when I remember it.)
First Show, Michael Jackson Tribute show, excellent!
Onto the Garden, More drinks, then thank the Heavans for Late shows. Bastard Children.
But only a week left and still so many shows to see, if you're not up to at least two a day to support this fix, then you're a stronger gal than me.
Will Lizzy the Puma have the strength and the speed to see everything that's left? Oh, you don't think so? Well game on Adelaide, GAME ON!!!!
March 7th
General
One small stepI have to be honest, when they first annopunced the mascot for this years fringe I wasn't crazy excited. But, boy have those little and not so little explorers won me over. I LOVE the giant astronauts!!!!!
It's just so cool what they've done, with the giant astronauts, watching out after us this Fringe. Whoever was the one sitting around in the office who suddenly said, you know what, I see our mascot three stories high, inflatable, was a genius.
In case you haven't seen all the astronauts, which are impressive by day as well, here's a quick location guide.
Town Hall King William St (Plonked right on top. Best view is from Victoia Square)
Victoria Square - King William St (They really liven up the bus trip)
The Garden of Unearthly Delights, cnr East Tce and North Tce (Best seen from East Terrace, try at first standing out the front of PJ O'Brien's pub. You'll know it because at first, you'll probably be like what the hell is that? Our astronaut has crash landed head first.)
Rymill Park, cnr East Tce and Rundle Road (Just opposite the Garden)
Bank SA Building King William St
Nova 919 Building Hindmarsh Square (The astronaut is climbing it like Godzilla, I love this one.)
AC Arts building Light Square (Standing on top of the entranceway to the Tafe, Looking over the Square. I'm rather attached to this one, I say good night to him evry evening on my way home.)
I'm so going to miss them when they're gone. In fact I think we should partion the Adelaide City Council to leave them as permanent monuments in our fair city. I mean come on, everyone's got towers or bridges down by the water. How many cities have two hundred foot spacemen?
March 6th
General
Adelaide's aliveWow, what a vibe at the moment. Chilling through the streets today, after a jolly good nights rest.
Along the Parklands, all the stages of the Futures Music Festival reaching up the the heavans to the sounds of the Wom Adelaide beat. Rundle Street closed as buskers and stall holders sell their wears. The rain lightly falling feeding the water starved earth and the water starved skin of it's people, whilst I watched the sun off in the distance break free from cloudy confines. Today was the day eveeryday should be.
Even if you're one of those poor fellows stuck sticking up a stage, I say over, you say time. Over! Time! Over! Time! Over! Time!
Now the people in the back say FRINGE!!!!
March 4th
Fun Stuff
Yesterday AfternoonYesterday afternoon was hilarious, every where you went in the city, you would find the tattered remains of the previous nights AC/DC concert. Guys in AC/DC shirts passed out on doorways, guys in AC/DC shirts with HUGE sunglasses trying to hide from the sun. Guys in AC/DC shirts still knocking back the Beam. For those who rocked and rocked hard and I think some are rocking still, I salute you!
March 4th
General
RUSH TICKETS NOT AT DOORAs the site went down yesterday as trying to book tickets decided to see if we could buy them at the door. Someone beat us to it. A young woman asked the question of the door usher at the Hive, I was about to, can I buy a rush ticket from you for this performance. The door usher seemed a little insulted by this proposition. The young woman was informed a definite NO, she would have to pay full price and that was that. I could see the young woman wanted to tell her to stick it up her Hive, but instead, turned and walked to the bar. And so the door was closed, with empty seats.
Which seems ridicolous, and a no win situation for ANYONE and everyone. The performers and venue loose money by having empty seats and the punter loses out by having come in for nothing or having to pay double the amount they were asked to pay ten minutes ago. A ridicolous situation. With their tickets and ours it would have been a sell out performance and it's always better to have a sell out run than, empty seats last night.
March 3rd
General
Rush TicketsCan you buy rush tickets from the venue. I asked today as the fringe website is down for ticket sales, I have been told that it is up to the vendors discreation. So, on my way to give it a try, will let you know if all goes well. I don't see why they'd say no, I mean personally you've got to think it's better to make ten dollars on a seat than nothing at all, well, I'll guess we'll see.
DIESEL on ICE on SKATES the MUSICAL in SPACE, there are no discounts. Maybe I should get Richard Branson and the cast of Monty Python involved, take it to Broadway. Hey, hey, you can stick singing cats up your Wah Wah Sister!
March 3rd
The Garden
DIESEL on ICE on SKATES the MUSICAL in SPACE..REVENGE OF THE SKATES!!!
DIESEL is coming to town. HOORAY! I really like Diesel, and whenever I see a show of his is coming I get excited and tell all my friends we should go. But for some reason, never in my ENTIRE life have I ever actually got to the concert. Sigh. But really am going this year, I promise and I'm telling everybody that we're going.
But what's really got me excited, I was reading the latest edition of THE FIX, it's a Rip it up weekly guide to the festivals. In it, there is a short interview with Diesel, they're asking the usual questions. Until they ask his favourite secret love. Turns out it's Roller Skating. I KNEW Diesel was awesome!!! Then about three quarters of the way down the interview they ask Diesel, the strangest place he would love to perform a gig. Turns out it's a roller skating Rink.
OMG!!!!!!! I'm looking at YOU, Holden Street Theatres with your damn cancelled Roller Disco, you're lucky Diesel didn't cancel in protest. But OMG, what an opportunity has been missed. Next year, I'm seeing Diesel, Roller Disco brought together, finally, like they were always meant to be. Diesel will of course be ending his show by screaming down the rink, playing his guitar on roller skates, propelled by rockets attached to said skates. Straight down the rink and out through the fire exit out the back. OMFG!!!!! Best FRINGE SHOW EVER!!!!
OMG I'm so organising that for next year. Ginger Ninja, hand me the phone, baby needs to order fifty monkeys and a hundred little tiny skates. AWESOME!
March 3rd
The Garden
SHOW REVIEW CIRCUS TRICK TEASEI just realised, I forget to tell you I went and saw, CIRCUS TRICK TEASE, these guys are great, they where great last year, even better this year. Next year, has to be the year you see them. You probably already have, they are always wondering around the garden in their tight little spandex out fits, throwing that poor lady around. This lovely lady, a former ballerina has been taking comedy/slap stick lesssons since last year, I love commitment to a craft. This show is just good old fashioned entertainment, no swearing, no shoot outs, just three people throwing themselves about with no care for their life or limb. Engaging people, engaging characters. I saw them last year, this year and I can't wait to make it three in a row. A definite winner!
Although, I am curious how one makes the transition from Ballerina to Sideshow entertainer. We often hear cliches of 'running away to join the circus' I didn't realise people actually did that. That's it, next year, I'm asking her. Not that I'm not knocking that as a career choice, I mean there's a reason no one rights stories about people running away to join David Jones. But you know, just always curious.
March 3rd
General
Art McDartHey, hey, I see that no one is talking about the long forgotten and always over looked co worker of the Fringe, The Visual Art. I know I'm guilty, I always plan to go see exhibits and I get to one or two and then forget, margheritta's at five will do that. But gosh darn, gonna give it a go.
I know, I know, straight away, as soon as you say Visual Art a lot of people get scared, I mean I agree there is a lot of 'art' that I wouldn't hang on my fridge let alone pay a million bucks for. Like, does anyone remember that guy who pooped in a can, then sealed it and sold it as art??? I mean, yeah okay, we get it, your art is crap, ever thought about a little more subtelty, or, you know, talent.
But unforunately this rubbish and this shameless grab for the fast, cheesy buck, overshadows the purpose of true art. True Art doesn't yell and scream and throw it's poo at you, art moves you without even realising it, true art fires the neurone's and pumps the art. True art you can stare at, and stare and stare, it's like being in love, every new day, every new viewing brings a new insight, a new revelation, a new reason to love it. Or of course it just looks as pretty as hell.
You don't have to get all arty farty, sure there's some of that, but there is also stuff for everyone, Art Fashion at Miss Gladys Sym Choon, haven't seen it yet. Tell him Something Pretty, erotic, burlesque works, going to see that today and my favourite visual art exhibition, I haven't been to see it yet, but it's already my favourite I can tell. It's called, Pretending things are a ****. Showing at Frome street, Urban Cow Studio. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAAHA!!
How fantastic is that, turns out my Ginger Ninja has been a serious artist these last years and I never realised. Shame on me!!!
Below are a couple of shows I went to and my feedback on them
EMMA HACK'S EXOTIC & NATIVE MANDALA WITH BROADHURST DELIGHTS
This stuff is very cool, I love how this is done.It's painting the body so it blends in with it's environment both behind and in front. There are couple of pieces that don't, I think, particulary work,I'm looking at you Koala and I find the ginormous belly button of the woman in the red and white painting oddly distracting. and unfortunately the woman in pink, used as the promotional photo seems to have had a moustache painted on her, you'll know it when you see it. But other works are simply brilliant. My toes would curl with delight if the chrysanthum picture hung on my wall, happy to stare at that everyday for the rest of my life. Very, very beautiful It's located at the Festival Centre, make sure you wonder right around and see them all. And after all, it is right next to the train station, so if you have to wait for a train, may as well snack on a little art. I give it 4 out of 5 stars.
Speaking of train stations, there is a listed art display at the train station, it's hanging above your heads. Unfortunately, I only gave it a 1 out of 5.
EVERYDAY FACES, EVERYDAY PLACES
I do like the idea of having things in the train station, I mean even just the percentage of Adeladians who travel through there each day, it's a great way to get art out there to the masses. But to be honest, at first I thought it was some kind of advertising banner, that old cliche of a set percentage of old, young, indigenious, gay, white collar. And as far as 'celebrity' shots go, if Richard Wilkins is the best you can do, then don't. Not excited by this to be honest, too dull, too cliched. But hey,if you use the trains, the cherry has been broken and you've probably seen your first visual art display already, and it hasn't killed you, so you've seen one, why not two?
So come on Adelaide, get some art up ya!! Hahahahaha..err, sorry about that. Margherita anyone?
March 3rd
General
Cleaning up after idiotsMy Ginger Ninja and I have come up with plan, instead of picking up a piece of rubbish on Australia Day, we were watching the ad, you know if every Australian picks up one piece on Australia Day that's twenty million pieces. Well from now on, each of us are going to pick up at least one piece of rubbish every single day of the year. Because we thought, if we all do it, that's twenty million a day times 365 days, that's, well that's Brilliant, and it is. But it's also 7, 300, 000, 000 pieces of rubbish! Sheesh! It could be a new growth industry, at that rate we'd have to pay people to make rubbish for the rest of us to pick up!???? Awesome!???? I guess...err, how about we worry about that when we get to it hey.
March 2nd
General
I'm bummed.I'm bummed. Cause AC/DC are playing tonight and I'm the only one in Adelaide who doesn't have a ticket. :..(
I guess, I do have the Fringe to keep me company tonight.
Busy as the next couple of days, Checking out one of the Visual Art displays then onto a play, then I've got a Michael Jackson tribute show and then some hill billy music to wrap up the night, and that's just Wednesday and Thursday night.
Got to work Saturday and Sunday, BOOOOOOO!
But that does mean double time. YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ross Noble has sold out before I could buy tickets. BOOOOOOO!
Ross Noble has added three more shows to his line up. YAHHHHHH!
Have you noticed a certain something about the Ross Noble show? Most shows at the Fringe this year are running between 50 to 60 minutes. Ross Noble on the other hand, his show goes for TWO hours. I'm excited and impressed by that. Look lets be honest, I think there is a very good chance that Ross Noble has some kind of hyperactivity disorder. He's lucky he's not a kid today, or they'd have him on all manner of prescription drugs. But I'm so glad that Ross Noble has found the world of entertainment and performing. I have full respect for him because he's taken something that, let's face it, would most likely be a great hinderence to him in Any other career. I mean we all love Ross to make us laugh, but would it be so funny if you were standing around for two hours waiting on him to get your photocopies done. But he's taken this 'gift' of his, and turned it into a very successful career for himself.
Maybe we should take the kids of ritalin and get them on stage?
I laughed when my Ginger Ninja told me that Ross Noble had come back for a tour, I didn't realise he'd actually left. Isn't he always here doing a gig. I don't believe he does actually go anywhere, I think every once in awhile he might catch a J1 bus out to the airport, to make us THINK he's leaving, (Then pops back out in sunglasses and a moustache). But he never actually leaves.
FYI Ross, totally fine with that.
Have you ever considered running for office? Now that Nick Xenophone is gone, we need someone to ride the miniature train of outrage and chaos. Ross, I think you'd be perfect for the job. Just, FYI, don't try to serve Mike Rann a coffee, we all know where that leads.
March 2nd
General
THE FRINGE OFFICEIt seems some people don't know where the FRINGE OFFICE is, I had to take this dude from my work, because he just had no clue. It is located down on Hindley Street, if you are walking from Rundle Mall it's on the left hand side, just before you get to that two storey strip club that isn't the Crazy Horse, where Rio's used to be, I've forgotten it's name. Above Red Square, you know the place. Anyway, the shops before that.
They are also open seven days a week during the FRINGE which is FANTASTIC.
The other thing worth a visit by, is they have a sandwich board out the front which lists all the shows for that night, that you can get cheap ten dollar tickets to. FANTASTICALLY BRILLIANT!!! So just check out the board and then pop in and get your tickets, which is brilliant, I've said that a lot haven't I. Well, just you wait until the end of the Fringe and you do the math on how much you've saved when you think, saved at least twenty bucks per show, five shows a week, over four weeks of Fringe. That's let me do the math, okay that works out as BRILLIANT!!!!!
I think you owe Lizzy the Puma a ****tail.
I'll be waiting at the bar. X
March 2nd
General
RUSH TICKETSGet to it people. RUSH tickets are AWESOME!!!!!! Just saw rush tickets on line for Arj Barker, normally a fourty dollar ticket, but now, Rush it's only ten bucks. How can, anyone, anywhere say no to Arj Barker for ten dollars. My grandma would get up outta her grave to see Arj Barker for ten dollars. All you got to do is click a button. If you look on the price guides online, the RUSH tickets, which are always ten dollars (how awesome is that) are marked by the green symbol of the little man running, or rushing if you will. Oh, I see what they've done there, clever, ha ha. Anyway, rush tickets, awesome. Buy some now!!! And for ten bucks what have you got to loose?
March 2nd
General
Oh no I missed it!Heaven to betsy NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It's that time of the Fringe, where I say to friends, quick we have to go see that, alas to find it's just ended the night before. Damn, couple of things I wanted to see but didn't get too. How I lament the bad show I saw when, now clearly, in mind, the show I missed has now become the GREATEST show ever in the history of the world, with flying lions and monkeys on unicycles juggling fire and invisible pink unicorns
March 2nd
General
STOP WITH THE INAPPROPRIATETo whomever is doing it. STOP marking my blogs as inappropriate! Drunk people running into trees and weird to do lists and people walking out on the Sam Simmons gig are not inapproriate, they are true and factual stories taken from the greatest novel of them all. Life!rnLife is not always politically correct, and thank heavans it isn't. That's why we fought wars to stop facisim from staining us with it's heavy blanket of oppression, conformity and censorship of life, liberty and politically incorrect blogs.
March 2nd
General
AC/DCI know this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fringe, but OMG it's akka dakka!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Come on, I don't care who you are, life does not get more freaking awesome than this.
OMG I'm getting so excited I think I just spontaneoulsy grew a mullet!
You can't be Australian and not just get reved up!!!! The energy, the passion the gruntiness of it all. There is so much testoserone in the air of Adelaide at the moment.
For those about to rock I SALUTE YOU!!!!!!
March 2nd
The Garden
Sundays at the GardenHey, hey. Just to let you know, as you go into the Garden for your Free Bank SA Concerts on Sunday, you have or will notice people collecting for a charity. The Garden is doing this every Sunday, and they are all extremely worthwhile causes.Heart Kids, Kidney Health Australia, Women's and Children's Hospital.
This sunday, there will be volunteers collecting for the CHILDHOOD CANCER ASSOCIATION,now I want you all to dig really deep because that's such an important thing they are doing, and if we can't help to raise up and support people at their absolute lowest point then what good are we as human beings.
One of the important things they do, is to provide finacial support, which is so important, I mean let's face it, cancer and chemotherapy, two of the worst words in the human language. I saw my mum go through it when they removed her left breast due to breast cancer, it's all so draining, emotionally, physically, spiritually draining. It's hard to keep on fighting when you have days where you feel like all you wanna do is die, and the rest of the time you feel like you are.
Well can you imagine going through that everyday to then have demand after demand notice and eviction notes flying in through your door. I mean think about it, your child is going through chemootherapy, they don't understand it, they're afraid, you can't leave them to work, you need to support them, and it's up to us to support them through this. That's why financial support may not sound like such a big thing, but believe me, when you are at your absolute lowest point, EVERY act of kindness is the world.
So this sunday, don't just reach for some loose coins, make a point, even if you're not going to the Garden, go to the Childhood Cancer Association Volunteers and pour your wallet out. Change the world for someone, and help give them the hope to fight for that happy and healthy tomorrow.
For everyone out there fighting that fight, keep going, to hell with Cancer, get that thing on the ropes and kick it out of the ring!
Here's to a cancer free world. Dig deep people. Dig deep.
March 1st
General
SHOW REVIEW Best of GOV LATE SHOWBEST OF THE FEST LATE SHOW AT THE GOV
The problem here, is not the acts they get (Except Sam Simmons, who really was awful), I just find the venue it's self The Gov has gone down hill. Staff are rude and unfriendly, drinks are overpriced. You'll be much happier seeing the acts in their proper shows, or hell, go to the Bank SA free concerts in the Garden and you can see the same thing (well PG version) and you can see it for free. Love the acts, don't love the venue.
March 1st
General
Venue Review The GovUnfortunately, 'I don't know' and 'Ask someone else' are the new catch phrases of the Gov on Port Road. Went to this venue and had a simply terrible experience. The service was beyond below par and was downright rude. We thought a couple of us would grab some food before seeing a show, and we were joined by a friend, who didn't want to come to a show, just thought she would catch up with us. Our waitress wasn't just a bad waitress, with no personality, she seemed really angry with us from the start as if we had started the night out by killing her kitten or something. She was down right rude.
Because we couldn't get any service, our friend got up to look for a toilet, not being able to see someone she approached the waitress and asked "Excuse me Do you know where the toilet is?" To which the waitress replied in the loudest rudest tone "I don't know" then turned her back on my friend and walked off. We then could only find one toilet, and as the woman before us handed the last of the paper hand towels under the toilet door because they were out of toilet paper at 9.30pm at night, another of us decided to go in search of toilet paper, my friend re entered the dining room, as chance would have it, our waitress was the only one around, my friend asked if there was another toilet, the waitress audibly sort of grunted, clearly annoyed, so my friend asked if there was more toilet paper because the toilets were out to which the waitress replied 'Ask someone else!' And turned away angrily from my friend.
All in all, the absolute worst 'service' I have ever recieved in Adelaide, will never ever return. A friend who was with us who was going to purchase a ticket at the venue simply left, my friend just got in her car and just drove home to use her own toilet and never returned. If we did not already have tickets, we would not have stayed. Then when we sat down to the concert, we were stuck behind a damn pole. But even if we had the best seats in the house, our night was just ruined from the appauling service. none of us had a drink for the night, because we refused to provide the Gov with any more of our money. All in all, all I have to say, boy how the mighty have fallen, if you want a good night, I'd avoid the Gov with it's bad service and bad attitude.
February 27th
General
Common Dance People ProjectOMG!!!! What I think is going to be the most fantastic event at the Fringe this year, the Comon People Dance Project. If you haven't heard about this it goes like this, everybody and anybody, we all learn the secret dance steps, except we have no idea when we are going to have to dance them or how many times. At some stage, at any possible second, the designated music will begin to play, and then you just dance like you've never danced before. The thing is, absolutely no one else there might know the dance steps, or evryone there will know the dance steps. Do you really wanna be the only one not dancing?
Dance rehearsals are being held all of next week, monday to Friday, 5 - 6 pm at the RingBox in the Garden of UnEarthly Delights.
I think this is just going to be an awesome experience and I can't wait to be a part of it. There are those moments when you realise just how great the human race is, and how underneath it all, all the colours, all the hate, all the dillusions, all the anger, all the fake passports, we're the same fabol;ous creatures.
February 26th
General
Twenty MILLION dollarsJust saw on the news, that the Fringe is expected to bring in over twenty MILLION dollars for Adelaide. Go Adelaide Fringe, but geeze, maybe it's best we don't have anything else on in the year, or how else are we gonna save twenty million bucks?
I wonder where the money goes that is made from The Fringe. I reckon that we, the paying, participating public should get to choose. That could be the ultimate contest over the Fringe. Everyone who reckons they should get all or a share of the twenty million should nominate themselves, then we as a group could vote. It will also be good to help spur on the crowds, I mean I was going to go home and have a quiet night, but then think of the little kiddies who want a new hospital wing at the Women's and Children, better dig deep, have a few more beers. This one's for the kids!
Argh, I know you'd do me proud South Australia.
February 26th
General
March Madness????Seriously, what's the deal with Adelaide. I mean we sit around with a great big fat nothing to do for eleven months of the year, then suddenly we try to cram EVERYTHING in the world, in on March. Seriously, we have
* The Fringe
* The Garden of Unearthly Delights
* Moonlight Cinemas
* Clipsal
* Adelaide Festival
* Wom Adelaide
* Soundwave music Festival
* Futures Music Festival
* Skyshow
* Even freakin Panda's.
Seriously what's the deal? Is this all some sort of weird Underworld Scenario (Underworld the Vampire/Werewolf horror film, not Tony Soprano) where all of our festival directors are only un frozen and released once a year for a month, then re frozen in their icy toombs to keep balance and order in the world, lest the world be over run with carny's and performing artists. Probably for the best actually, have you seen a pack of Festival Director's on heat? You haven't? That's definatly for the best, NOBODY wants to see that. Seriously, did you see the footage of Paul Grabowsky trying to wrestle 'The Boy with Tape on his face' from the Fringe Director? Talk about 'Le Danse Macarbe'.:(
But seriously guys, you either have to spread it out, or make every month March. IT's only fair.
February 26th
The Garden
FOOD AT THE FRINGEYou know what I've just realised, nobody's talking about the food at the fringe. Let's look at the garden, just to give you an idea, cause let's face it, it's getting pretty pricey to stuff your face these days. Which is why I haven't tried Beyond India, $14.00 for a small plate of curry, are you serious? Do I get fries with that? And a small child to do chores around the yard?
Let's start with the good stuff. Food for a dollar. AWESOME!!!!
The asian stall, at the back just past the gazebo, is once again selling Curry Puffs, which are Yummy as, but sometimes a little oily, Dim Sims, I'm told good (I'm a vegetarian), vegetarian spring rolls very nice and vegetable cakes all for a dollar each. The vegetable cakes can be a little bland so you need the free sauces to give them a kick, but they are nice and filling, a good investment if you wanna get full cheap. The only thing missing, this year NO POTATO CAKES. I miss you potato cakes. They also offer curries that comes with rice or noodles and for $9 a good option. Some can be hotter than others (spice wise) so it's best to ask.
The squid place is okay, my ginger ninja got the prawns with salad pack for ten dollars. It's okay, the prawns tasted nice as did the wedges but there's not realy a lot in the serving, and the salad there talking about is two to three slices of tomato on iceberg lettuce with a bit of sauce on top.
Tried the Red Lentil Morrocan Vegetarian burger with Voodoo sauce from the small burger stand, the last of the food stalls on that bend. The burger, whilst I woulkdn't kill anyone for the recipe, it taste's nice and it taste's like a healthy burger, so you feel full afterwards, but not fat and lazy like you do after eating a chain store burger.
And for a hint, come the end of the night, sometimes the asian store up the back and the donut place, (Conveniantly next to each other) will occasionaly have a bit of a sale on whatever stock they have left. Woo Hoo. WOrth a nibble.
February 25th
The Garden
Buskers in the GardenBuskers in the Garden. Beats the hell out of gnomes. I've never in my life seen a Ghnome juggle fire, time to lift your game ghnomes. Damn slackers.
I have to say, without hesitation one of my favourite things about the fringe. The fact that you can get a whole evening of entertainment for really when you break down, time into entertainment, it costs relatively nothing. Plus I love the idea of pay what you think it's worth. If only they had that system for 'Tales of The Golden Lease'. After the show I could have presented them with the bill for that hour of my life I'm never going to get back again!!!!! Sigh. But I digress.
Anyone who misses the buskers sideshow is a fool, they travel the world showing these wares, so there has to be skill. I only have a couple of issues. Of course, you do Lizzy The Puma, don't you always. (Sigh). How rude. My first issue is with the people who just sort of stand on the pathway and look on, refusing to actually come into the area. Maybe the area needs to come with a disclaimer "people who eneter this area will NOT be shot". It irritates, for a lot of reasons, mainly because the performers have to stop their show every three minutes to tell em to move, and when you know it's the same people he's telling time and time. Sigh. I think if you keep blocking the walkways then the performers should have every right to set you on fire and juggle you! Idiots.
Secondly, stingy people at the end of the show, who just run away without putting anything in the hat. I mean seriously some of these people have flown from overseas. Even if were all putting in a dollar, that's a lot of dollars to fly from Vancouver. Unless you think it was crap, then at least, I don't know let us know, 'look I'm not cheap, I just think they're crap.' Then we can say 'fair enough' instead of 'look at you, you cheap bastard!'
Now, my main complaint is with the actual condition of the Hill it's self. I know we are in the middle of a drought, but seriously, the hill is an absolute dustbowl, and it kinda sucks. It's dry, dusty and dirty. There is a real issue with all the dust getting kicked up and there's a lot of sneezing going on. Knowing what was coming I really think some allowances could have been made in the lead up and this area should have been better maintained and cultivated, for what is after all, the biggest event on Adelaide's calender. The other option that arises is, we still have that large area at the back, where the opening night concert was held. This is a HUGE area and the lawn there is thick and lush. Why could the buskers not be moved to this area. I think this would be best for everyone. Punters can sit and watch a show without getting filthy. My tip for those planning on watching the buskers in the Garden, take something to sit on, otherwise you get really dirty, really fast. This is especially bad when it's hot, because your body gets sticky, then you put it on the dirt and it cakes on like mud. Also, if it was held out the back, this would illiminate the problem of crowd congestion at the Garden entrance. Although there are some people who I am SURE will somehow find a way to get in the way. Well, we all know my solution to that, he he, jugglers, light your crowd. :)
February 25th
The Garden
POSSUMSJust want to give a shout out to THE REAL BEST SHOW OF THE FRINGE. I am of course talking about, THE POSSUMS!!!!
I mean, I'm not sure if people realise this or not, but they don't realease the possums just once a year for the fringe. The possums are there in the parklands, 24/7, 365 days a year. But it doesn't matter who they are, what's going on, but all it takes is one possum to do one streak across the lawn and bamn. It's like The Matrix, everything stops, all eyes are drawn to the little furry critter. Now that's true posum magic.
Maybe they could use this method to disperse rioters, bring a peceful end to violent protestors, Just as all sides reach the point of self control ending, just chopter in the posssums. Bamn, time freezes, riots end as all eyes fall to the possums. Sweet Possum Magic.
It doesn't matter who they are, how smart, how angry, all it takes is one furry tail and suddenly everyone turns into Homer Simpson as they chase it merrily round the trees. Society today, man I tell you. Possum Issues.
February 25th
General
Show Review ROSS VOSSMY LIFE IS A JOKE is the name of the show, and indeed his life is just that, one hell of a funny joke. Went to the preview show last night, now the thing with a FIVE DOLLAR show, it either goes one of two ways, you are about to see the beginnings of a really good, funny entertainer as they tentatively dip their toes into the seedy, cruel life of public entertainment. Or you're gonna watch some idiot with dillisions of grandeur crash and burn. Either way, sadly it's a win win for the consumer. But we loaded up on beverages and took our chances.
I have to say, I thought it was great, Ross Voss is a likeable character that has a good sense of comic timing and interacts well with a crowd. His stories, though not always indeering, or pc (THANK GOD, DEATH TO THE PC), his stories are fresh and funny.
Considering his show is going to cost you less than a drink at the Garden, there's no way you can loose with this show. The real flaw was with a couple of short two minute videos presented mid show, the sound and picture quality was a little poor quality, not that I have anything wrong with homemade you tube productions, but as Ross Voss steps up so will his audio visual production values need to. But that's another issue for future shows. All in all, grab a seat, I think Ross Voss is going to get better and better and the tickets one day are gonna have you complaing about prices. So get in now, catch the Beatle in the Cavern
Ross Voss is playing upstairs at the World's End Pub in Hindley Street, but don't be put off by that. This show definatly worth a fiver.
February 23rd
The Garden
Show REVIEW. Tales of the Golden Lease.
VIGILANTELOPE PRESENTS TALE OF THE GOLDEN LEASE
Yawn.Yawn again. Horrible waste of my time and yours. Four boys obviously saw a Monty Python skit and said we should do that for a living. Except they seem to have taken inspiration from the akward moments that never really worked. Which sadly they've captured very well, because this show is awkward and doesn't work. The sound production values are none existant, which after a while becomes for the best. This show is a dull try hard, that is not even as interesting as their promotional photo.
February 23rd
General
Birthday hintIf your birthday is fast approaching, be none too afraid to let people know that you will accept gifts in the form of Fringe Tickets. Then I thoroughly reccommend sitting down with your friends and discussing the shows you want to see as well as times you are free. In fact it is a good idea to present them with a small collection of photocopied blurps in cluding dates and prices. Trust me, they'll find this invaluable.
The other very important thing is to make sure you give each friend a different collection of shows and dates, otherwise you may end up with thirty tickets to Tale of the Golden Lease, which would just be terrible on many levels. Trust me, your friends are stupid and they willl appreciate you organising them.
Oh and, Happy Birthday and I'm availiable for the next BeatBurger show.
February 22nd
General
Arcade Lane BEATBURGERWent to the Arcade Lane, which I have to give props to whomever was taking the trash out in the lane and suddenly thought, wow, this would be a great venue. Which it is, it's a little cool, having a party in the laneway. We went there to see BeatBurger, for a ten o'clock show. However, by about ten thirty we were thinking, wow this is nice and all, but if this is the show, I'm a little disapointed. We then realised, there's actually a doorway off to the side that leads to the show. The Arcade people definitely could have put more work into letting people know there were different parts to their venue, because by the time we realised this the show was three quarters finished. So with a grumble, we grumbled off. So, sure by all means, check out the venue, but just make sure you know eactly where you need to be for your show, because it ain't in the laneway.
February 22nd
The Garden
More free concerts DIE ROTTEN PUNKTWho knew that Die Rotten Punkt would be such a hit with kids? When I have my obnoxious children, I think I'm having Die Rotten Punkt as a birthday theme. Let's face it, clowns are creepy, and satistically speaking, there is a chance they really might kill you, eat you and touch you in a sexual way, probably in that order. (NOTE: No actual scientific evidence to back up writers wrants). I never thought I would ever rock out to a song about a bannana. Are Die Rotten Punkt the new Emo Wiggles?
February 22nd
General
Parla Vou Francais?Art vs. Science, am I the only one thinking. Great job fellas. I've never really heard a lot of their songs, but I was quickly won over with their infectiously fun beats and slightly ridiciolous lyrics. It was also good to see them accomodating to the wide range of age groups in their audience. By quite randomly throwing in a little Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince for the oldies in the audience. Word, old farts, word.
I do have to say though that I think that The Fringe missed a golden apportunity, in that when Art Vs. Science plays their astronaut song (complete with countdown). This would have been the perfect spot and time to just unvail or indeed, have descend from the sky (I'm thinking one, two helicopters, possibly threee) have descend one of the giant astronauts onto the stage or indeed, INTO the crowd.
I actually had that thought during the performance and longinly looked skyward, only to have nothing happen. And unfortunately the evening for me went down hill after there, once you've had imaginary astronauts descend from the sky, there's really nothing left to do but go home really. Drink milo. Sigh.
February 22nd
The Parade
Love a good parade.Love a good parade. It truly has something for everyone. And trust the Fringe, to go above and beyond, leave no man behind, and acknowledge that long forgotten group so regularly shunned by a harsh and judgemental society. I am of course, talking about zombies. It was great to finally see our undead brothers and sisters, and their contributions to our society finally acknowledged. Like, err, eliminating the slow and more tatsy members of our society. I often said you can't trust someone who tastes too good. So we acknowledge you zombies and welcome you into the city of churches. Be loud and be proud my friends. Moan the good moan.
February 17th
The Garden
Tall Stories The ShowWas given a ticket to the show TALL STORIES by a friend. Now I just want to get it over and done with now. Yes, Imaan is a very small person or a "Migger" as he suggests you call him, now unlike every other idiot who has reviewed him (Yes I'm looking at you Advertiser newspaper) I am not going to make any jokes about the shows 'short comings' or the show 'not reaching it's full height'. Seriously, if this is what passes as your idea of a subtle wit, then let me tell you, you are indeed a 'wit'. You're also clearly one of the idiots Imaan refers to in his show.
Now this is a late, after ten o'clock show, so yes, the humour is rude, often crude and more sexual innundo than you can point a dagwood dog with sauce at. That being said, I laughed, I came out happy. But there are serious flaws with this show, Imaan definitely still needs to work on this show. Good comedy should flow, this show was a little disjointed at places and more than once Imaan seemed more than a little unfimiliar with his own material. I think the show needs more rehearsal and the creases ironed out, but that being said there is some funny material in there, it just needs a bit more work, if Imaan wants to be taken more seriously as a comedian and less of a novelty performer.
Look lets, be honest, this show is never going to win any awards at the Fringe, and I do recommend, this show is a lot funnier after you've had a few beverages. But late night, you've had a few, grab a cheap ticket and just enjoy it as a bit of fun.
February 16th
The Garden
More BANK SA Free Concerts. Lili La ScalaWow. What a voice. Can I say this was the best Valentine's Day present that Bank SA could possibly have given. It was a beautiful setting, as the sun slowly set Miss Scala captivated us with operatic songs of love (Yes of course there was plenty of Puccini). So very romantic, I felt as if the whole scene should have faded into the subtle hues of black and white as we were drawn drawn deeper into the dark realm of broken, disenchanted, unrequited operatic love.Sigh.
Miss Scala is the personification of 1920's glamour. Even her body, so delicate and slim line, you feel that she should be made of alabaster, and her slender delicate form should be displayed atop a mahaoghany table in a grand hall. The fact that such a loud, glorious voice could come from something so small and delicate is a true compliment to the grand design of nature.
Miss Lila La Scala will be presenting a show called 'War Stories' Saturday's at the Garden at 5.30pm. After hearing her voice I rushed to secure a ticket, even though the performance is not at all like her free performance, but instead a collection of war songs. A beautiful voice is a beautiful voice, regardless of the song it sings.
February 16th
The Garden
More BANK SA free shows... Ben WalshBen Walsh and the sun catchers performed at the free concert series. Now, I am a genuine fan of Ben Walsh, a seriously talented performer and have experienced a wide range of his incarnations from solo performer to the Tom Tom Club to The Bird. Unfortunately, I have to say I am a little underwhelmed by this new reincarnation. It's not that they're bad, everything is in tune and technically played well, it just seems to be missing that live passion we have come to know in the Ben Walsh performances. I think subconciously they might know this.
There lack of inspiration was quite perfectly displayed by the fact that one of the guitarists sat on stage in a plastic chair, looking somewhat bored for the entire performance. I know that the crowd wasn't very lively on that particular day, but I strongly feel that the audience needs something to work off. And if a crowd is resistant, then by heavans, it's your job as an entertainer to win them over and make them love you. Performance is not something that can just be run through the motions and this is sadly the performance that was given to the crowd at the Bank SA free concert. So much so I did not attend their Spiegeltent performance. Sorry Ben, I think you're a talented man, but Ben Walsh and the Sun Catchers are my biggest disapointment thus far at the 2010 Fringe.:(
February 16th
The Garden
Jason Chong gave it away for freeBank SA support act performer. Jason Chong. To be honest I haven't seen a lot of Jason Chong's material before, but I'm always thrilled to open up and experience new acts. That was until I informed my concert date that Jason Chong was performing, they were bitterly disappointed. They had seen Jason Chong before and were not impressed, bad timing, bad jokes, bad presentation. So, I bought an extra beer and prepared myself to be underwhelmed.
Let me just say this. Boy have times changed. Jason Chong seems to have opened that closed door and has finally stepped up to the next level of performance. That problem with timing gone, as he hit just that right funny spot right on the head. Jason Chong seems to have embraced his slight awarkdness and engaged it, so that it has become a part of his charm, character and stage persona, no longer an obvious weakness.
Just as they say 'Only Nixon could go to China'. It is fair to say 'Only Jason Chong can pull a wide eye and sling off Shannon Noll loving Bogans and Asian Drivers simaltaneously'.
I love this new 'offensive' and 'racist' humour of his. I know that sounds bad, but Jason Chong's humour is that delicious mix, of being half asian, half caucasion, 100% Australian. But this gives him the opportunity to experience both cultures and the stupid things we all do, which when you start to break it down and laugh at it, it exposes that we are all the same through our one truly human quality. Our ridicolous stupidity.
I must say I was genuinely impressed and am now adding Jason Chong to my list of acts to see more of. He even won back my previously unimpressed friend. So well done Jason Chong and what ever you are doing, do more of it. At once. All the time. Maybe stop for the clown wrestling, but then get back on it you hear.
February 15th
General
OMG!!!! NOOOO!!!OMG!!!!!!!! Totally gutted. Just found out that the Roller Disco has been CANCELLED!!!!! Why, why would God do this to me??? I've only spent the last year of my life lamenting the fact that Roller Disco's don't exist anymore. Society these days sucks - There are no roller disco's. YOU DO THE MATH PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Then to tease me with your seedy innuendo about there actually being a roller disco, and then what happens. I tell you what happens, there is no roller disco. It was all a lie. YOU ROLLER DISCO TEAZE Holden Street Theatre Company. You're all talk, co commitment. That's it. THIS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER!!!! I won't believe your shiny glitter lies anymore, Mr Holden Ike Turner Theatre Company.
No, no it's too late, if you liked it then you should have put a skate on it!!!!
Ladies put your hands up!!!!!
February 15th
The Garden
FREE CONCERTS!!!!!!FREE!!!!!!!!FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing is free anymore, unless of course if you live in Adelaide, then Bank SA very graciously. Thank you Bank SA provides their free concerts in the Garden. I think a truly unappreciated, undiscovered gem of the Fringe.
Our host for the first weekend of Free shows is Mickey D. Now my hat goes off to the compares for even braving this gig. There has to be some tough gigs and this has to be one of the toughest. It's six o'clock, the suns still out and your first three rows consists of small kids, then two rows of various ranges of drunk people, then everybody's mum up the back. Now, it's hard, to say the very least to find the common ground. But he's done his best, and MIckey D always strikes me as a nice enough bloke, the kind of fun guy you always add to the top of the list for bbq's cause he's always good for a laugh.
And, he gave me free tickets. Woo HOO! Rock on Mickey D.
Only problem, Adelaide liven up, we can be so reserved in our crowd participation. Feel free to hoot Adelaide. Just in case there are any fears or worries, let me calm those fears now. Hooting is totally recyclabe and in NO WAY, damages the environment. So HOOT AWAY Adelaide. HOOT AWAY!
February 15th
The Garden
Where'd the stage go?Went to the Garden. Of course, where else would I be? And the stage, used at the opening night performance has gone. BOOOO!!!! This was new favourite addition to the garden, I was hoping for nightly concerts and dj's. Instead all we have is a rather depressingly empty, dark corner.... I tried standing in the middle of it and just sort of jumped around, but there is only so much one slightly drunk girl can do to help liven up the place. THE corner, just needs something I think......But what is the question? Clown wrestling, that's my suggestion.
February 15th
The Garden
Back on my lawnGuess whose finally showed up on my lawn. I say Omni. You say Chord. That's right Adelaide, Ben Walsh is back!!! This time, with a new ensemble, The Sun Chasers. Must say this is the most mellow, I have ever experienced in any of the Ben Walsh musings. When I saw the brass instruments, I was imagining a Cat Empire inspired funk, but it never really got there. Although with time restrictions, the third act was cut from the opening night performance, so I guess we will never really know what we missed. Can only hope that this gets to play it's self out later at some stage over the fringe.
February 15th
The Garden
Garden Opening NightWell, I really enjoyed opening night. Nice atmosphere, free concert. Loved the placement of the stage, great access from a wide area. As I was standing there enjoying my cider, a trio of acrobats throwing a poor woman into the air, circus tick tease to the left, lifting each other into all manner of positions whilst The Red Bastard made fun of one womans bad dancing to the right, I realised just how much I love the fringe and why. It's a world class event, but with that unique relaxed country town vibe that Adelaide has. I think that is one of the reasons why this Fringe festival really is one of the best in Australia. Not just because of the acts, but because of the fact that I can enjoy these without the fear that I have to keep my hand on my wallet or my tickets the entire time for fear of thieves. I can cut loose and dance with strangers without fear of getting mugged or abducted. I can relax with a few beverages without fear of riots or fights. You really, truly can relax and sink into the festival and all that it has to offer.
February 12th
The Garden
Fireworks Go BOOM!!!!Last night was the night. The heavans above parted their clouds (he he he, I'm one heaving bussom away from having an EXCELLENT beginning to a Mills and Boon novel). The rain drifted away so that we could enjoy the first night of the garden. Woo HOO!!! So much to talk about.
First thing we did notice, besides the excellent firework display, although to be honest a little disappointed at the end, I always feel that every last bang of a firework display, should be loud and strong enough to thunder the very ground that you walk on. It should with one mighty blast have you throwing yourself to the floor screaming "My god, the invasion's begun!"
Second thing we noticed, bag inspections, a big man, with a big torch, stareing into my handbag. This may have been for personal edification who knows, the point is, for those who like to slip their booze in, in their handbag. Could be time for a new plan, looks like you're out of luck this year. Of course, don't do what the young people behind us did, fearing being caught with their hidden liquor they decided to skull it all down at the entrance way. Then smugly smiling knowing that they could not safely smuggle their booze in, in their bellies. It may not have turned out so good for them but it turned out great for us as we got to see one of our pirate companions spend twenty minutes trying to get his shoes back on. Just a small suggestion lads, left shoe goes on the LEFT foot. And DON'T skull Liquor in an entrance queue. Sigh.
I must say, do enjoy the layout this year, went for a quick lap upon arrival. There is a medium sized stage at the rear of the garden over the bridge, this is great as it can now be seen and enjoyed over a much wider experience, you can head down the front and boogie, or stand up the back if you like to spread out and flap out and find a tight dance floor restrictive. There are also surrounding seated areas, where you can still chill out, relax, enjoy the atmosphere. The new iron seats are a nice classy touch, that you just can't get with a ten dollar BUnnings plastic chair. Makes one feel more like you are soaking up a true bohemian mardi grai instead of just popping down the park for a quick one.
February 10th
The Parade
I AM THE PARADEHooray! The parade is coming. Man I love a good parade!!!! Adelaide doesn't have enough parades. But what city does. Allrigt besides New Orleans, and Rio and I think Mexico's pretty keen. But anyway, you know what I mean.
It seems to take a hell of a lot to make your average Adeladian slap on the tinsel and jump about like a slightly rabid Christmas Tree.
Enter the Fringe Parade.
This is your chance Adelaide. Slop it on and hang it out.
I also find that the best way to avoid the heavy bustling crowds, is to dress as outrageously as possible, maybe like an octupus, then if you ever find yourself trapped behind a slow moving crowd, clear your way through, by declaring as loudly as possible 'Out of the way people, clearly can't you see, I'm not just part of the parade, I AM THE PARADE!!!'
Nobody, ever argues with an octopus. :)
January 31st
General
Scotland The BraveToday in the mall, I came upon a giant scotsman and his giant dog (sounds like a dirty metaphor doesn't it). They looked fantastic, I got peed on. Sigh. That's nothing, in 07 I took a flying penis to the head. Just cause it's a puppet show, you wouldn't expect that to happen, but I digress. Gettting peed on, YEP, it can only mean one thing. FRINGE TIME!!!! Any other time of the year, if that happened I'd find it strange or unusual, but we all know what time of the year it is.
TIME TO STRAP ON THE RAIN COAT AND THE HELMET. THE SIDESHOWS ARE COMING!!!!!!
January 28th
General
Schmon! It's Michael Jackson.Why? Why? Why can't I find anyone EXCITED or even slightly interested in the Michael Jackson show??? World's Greatest entertainer you know ( don't worry, still love you Ben Walsh). I mean I know that thirty people down the Producer's Bar isn't eactly on par with fifty thousand at Wembley. But, you know, use your imagination. That's what it's for.
Is it too soon? Are people still traumitised? I'm still a little stunned, I mean unless the world went horribly wrong I was going to outlive Michael Jackson anyway, but I expected at least one of us to be really old, with too many face lifts... whoops, but you know what I mean.
I've also know got to accept the fact, that one day, many, many, MANY, years from now, when I have a little Jackson 5 of my own. My kids are going to think I'm an ABSOLUTE LOSER!!!!!!!!! You know why? (Well they're kids I'm sure they'll think of many reasons to hate me) My kids are gonna think I'm loser because when I asked my mum if she saw the Beatles live and she said no, I thought, 'Man, what a loser!' Who misses the chance to see one of the greatest bands ever????? Now when my future kids ask me "Did you go see the grteatest performer ever live?' I'm gonna have to say no. I could try and talk my way out of it and say, I was going to but then he was dead. But my little smart ****d ******s are gonna say 'What he was dead, your entire life?' And I'll say 'No.' And they'll say 'What a loser'! And sadly, they'll be right. Sigh.... I hate my future kids, stupid kids, who are they calling a loser!?!
January 27th
General
Why not ten dollar ticket?Why aren't you buying ten dollar tickets Adelaide? I'm thrilled people will do anything for me for ten dollars these days? Tried around, to see what people would do for me for ten dollars? Found a thai massage place in the mall that will rub my feet for ten minutes. I found out Australia Day my friend will indulge in public displays of near nudity for ten dollars. My neighbours kid offered to sell me ten cans of domestic lemonade, and on Hindley street ( well, maybe it's best we don't talk about that in a public forum). So, making me pee myself with laughter for a good sixty seconds, or even doing handstands on a bathtub (Can't wait for the circus boys) seems like a very good deal indeed. So come on Adelaide, live a little, put down the lemonade and come marvel and just what some people are prepared to do for ten dollars!!!!!! Man, I love Fringe!
January 25th
General
Booking FeesMy friend today was complaining about booking fees. Why, O, Why she lamented must we pay booking fees? ( I am of course paraphrasing, she never used the O word). $2.75 she laments for a $10.00 ticket. Which she lamented again to the receptionist at the Fringe offices. And lamented. And lamented. I begged her to stop. She lamented. And lamented. I began to cry. She lamented some more, and informed me she would continue to do so for another ten minutes. She figures that a receptionist earns about $16.50 an hour, so that $2.75 works out that she has paid for ten minutes of that time, so she was going to damn well use it. She paid for it after all!!!! She lamented.....
I told her I was going to save my ten minutes to come back and complain when the show we were trying to buy tickets for was cancelled because the receptionist missed the deadline to buy the artist a plane ticket to Adelaide. It's amazing what you can do with ten minutes... I lamented.
So here's my tip for you. Nobody likes booking fees, like nobody likes having to stop for red lights or wear pants. But if you don't like the fee, buy the tickets direct from the venue just before the show, you usually won't have to pay a fee. Catch 22, you might end up without a seat, or a really bad seat, or it might work out fine, who knows. All I know is way it up, to be or not to book???? I book cause there are something's I just do not want to miss. Book that show in, besides I've spent more than ten minutes in cues. Sigh. Point of the story, there is no point, I just had ten minutes to kill, she laments.
January 24th
General
Where are you Ben WAlsh?Where is Ben Walsh? I usually find him running around on my lawn this time of year??? If you are saying who the hell is Ben Walsh (firstly shame on you) not that I'm here to judge. (Although we are all juding you right now) has been a pillar and a post the last few Fringes. Always popping up here and there banging away on his drums. I'll miss The Tom Tom Club this year.
First discovered Ben Walsh in the So Co Club, summer of 07 in the Garden. Man I miss that place. Ben Walsh banging on a drum or several (he often bangs so hard his shirt mysteriously flies off) bring on the partial male nudity! Woo Hoo!
Last year he just randomly started banging away in the garden one saturday night, you can't help but dance and feel rather funky to his music. He's so good a drummer he even makes you forget he's partially naked. (I think he might have a problem). But put your pants back on Ben Walsh and get back to the fringe were you belong!!!!!
January 24th
General
Organise!Organise! Organise! Organise! Planning a smooth fringe run is like directing a military campaign. So much to see, so much can happpen. Funis a serious business my friend. You need a pin board, calender, clippings, pins. You need to scour the shows that nobody has heard of to find the show that's so hot they don't even know it yet!!! All the while be prepared to throw all your plans out that window the second out of the blue Ben Walsh starts playing on a drum randomly on somebody's lawn in the middle of the night. And always, always remain open to the possibilities that bow chicka wow happens! Usually spontaneously, and often also on other people's lawns. Don't know why that is??? Note to self, buy hayfever tablets.
January 23rd
General
Organise!Organise! Organise! Organise! This is the Fringe man, serious stuff, calenders, pin boards, post it notes. Be prepared to be in the right place at the right time for the shows that are so hot they don't even know they're hot yet. Oh and don't forget to save time for that unexpected boom chicka wow wow!!!!
March 16th
General
OMG! I thought the fringe was over. NOT!It's not over, it's NOT!!!
Do I sound desperate, do I sound needy?
Damn.
How awkward.
Awkward silence.
As the 'akward turtle' slowly, slowly moves through the room.
Sigh.